This Is What I Believe (And I Don't Expect You To Agree)

I've had a post on my mind for a while that will most likely cost me some followers.  It is a very current topic, but I am on the "wrong" side of it as far as society is concerned.  So before I write it, I just want to say -- It's been nice knowing those of you who will be leaving after you read this.  I also want to make clear that this is not meant to be a theological post -- it is a social commentary, and an expression of MY opinions, I am not trying to speak for everyone who has a religious faith (or even everyone who shares my basic beliefs).  But this is my blog, where I express my views and my opinions and this has been nagging at me for a long time.  I wanted to talk about this topic, but I was afraid I would offend some, or possibly all of you and I let that fear control what I wrote.  While I have touched upon this topic in other posts, I always diluted what I wanted to say.  Not today.  Today I will no doubt lose a LOT of followers, but before you go, please read everything I want to say and then think on it first.  I am not being purposefully inflammatory.  I am not trying to pick a fight with any one person or group.  My opinions do not negate yours.  I am not claiming to be right or wrong.  I am not accusing you of anything by disagreeing with me.  I am doing what I claim to always try to do here -- I am honestly expressing myself on a topic that has been in my thoughts more and more recently because of current events.  I will not apologize for having my own opinion, but I do apologize for not being as honest in writing about it in the past as I could have and should have been.  I think that part of the problem is that I was attempting to sneak it into another post.  I don't know why.  I am not ashamed of what I believe and I have no trouble defending it.  I think that part of it is that some people are super easy to offend, and writing something like a blog and putting it out there is a lot different than talking to someone one on one.  Also, as much as I try to prostrate and pretend that I don't care what anyone thinks, I do. I especially care about what you, those who read what I write here on a regular basis think.  And this topic is personal for many of you. 

So what is this topic you ask?  Well, it's homosexuality. 

Let me start by saying as vehemently as I can that I am NOT anti-gay.   I have friends who are gay. I consider them good friends, I have no issues with them being gay and they know how I feel about homosexuality.  (In fact, I had 3 of them read this post before I published it to make sure that I wasn't saying something that I wasn't intending, to make sure that the message that they got from it was in conjunction with what they knew about me and that I had expressed myself as well here as I had in our personal conversations on this topic).   I have made no secret on my blog or in my life that I consider myself a Christian.  I attend church services.  I pray daily. I read the Bible and believe that it is God's Word.  There is no doubt that the Bible is pretty clear that God considers homosexuality a sin, so yes -- I think homosexuality is a sin.  (Some of you will stop reading here.)  I also believe that lying is a sin, adultery is a sin, murder is a sin, sexual immorality is a sin, and countless other things are sins and the Bible tells us that God does not view sin in "degrees" -- we are the ones who tend to assign "values" to sin making one worse than the other. And I am guilty of sin, as are you and everyone else in the world whether they acknowledge it or not. 

I am free to believe that the life we live on this Earth is the result of a loving God who wants us to love Him in return and strive toward the perfect example that He gave us in sending His son, Jesus to die for our sins and you are free to not believe that.  I am free to live my life in pursuit of that and you are free live however you want to.  I am free to interpret His word by my beliefs and my faith, and to identify and worship with others whose interpretations closely match mine and you are free to do that as well or to totally disregard the Bible as an old book.  I cannot make you accept my beliefs and you cannot make me accept yours.  Where the problem lies, is in those people who try to assimilate others to their way of thinking.  I will gladly share my beliefs and share the Word of God where they originate if you are willing to listen and discuss, but I cannot make you "accept" my faith.  You also cannot make me "accept" your point of view. 

We have, as a society, been preaching acceptance for years -- acceptance of religion, acceptance of the lack of religion, acceptance of politics, and acceptance of culture.  "Acceptance" is the wrong word.  We should be teaching "tolerance."  I can tolerate different faiths, differing political views, different lifestyles, and different cultures.  I can tolerate the differences and peacefully coexist.  But you and I cannot force "acceptance" of anything.  Think of it this way -- if you don't like the color brown for example, do you set out to eradicate brown from the world?  Do you try to get others to hate brown as much as you do?  No.  You simply avoid brown in your own life as much as possible.  Should others who love the color brown try to change your mind?  No.  They accept that you don't like brown and continue with their own lives regardless of how you feel about it.  You have to learn to tolerate brown, but no one can force you to accept it as a great color.  I can tolerate lying, adultery, homosexuality -- in fact, I believe that the Bible teaches us as Christians that we live in a world where we will be exposed to and have to tolerate all sorts of sin.  We (as Christians) are instructed to spread the message to those who have not heard it, we are to teach it to our children, and we are to strive to live it, but no where in the Bible are we told to force it on others.  We are instructed to point out these sins to our brothers and sisters in Christ, but even then we are to do so "in love."  When people of the same faith come together and form a congregation, then they become to some degree responsible for each other's salvation (this instruction is in the book of James for those interested).  Think of it sort of like when friends decide to team up to start a diet together, we team up to help each other "stay on the straight and narrow" so to speak.  If you and I are dieting together and you "sin" by eating a doughnut, as your diet partner, it is my responsibility to call you out on it as a violation of what we are trying to accomplish together.  If some random stranger is eating a doughnut, it is NOT my responsibility to corner them and list all of the ways that they are harming their body by eating that doughnut.  It is also not my responsibility to hand out anti-doughnut propaganda, to organize anti-doughnut rallies, or to scream obscenities and spew hate at those who choose to eat doughnuts.  Now, I can rationally defend my point of view about the doughnut, but chances are that in today's society, the person eating it knows full well that it is not health food and has chosen to eat it anyway.  That is their business and their right, just as it is my right to NOT eat doughnuts.

In this country in particular, there are very few people who have no idea what is in the Bible.  Some have chosen to accept it as the Word of God, some believe that it is the Word of God but believe that it needs to be reinterpreted as more culturally relevant, and some have decided that it is not anything but a book of old stories and take and leave from it what they want.  Where we have problems is when any of these groups try to force their beliefs onto another group. 

Let me ask a question to those who are chomping at the bit to finish reading so you can comment and tell me that I am a hateful bigot for saying that homosexuality is a sin:  Why are your beliefs okay to talk about, but mine aren't?  Why is it okay to speak out against a religious belief but not okay to speak up for it?  Do we not all live in a country where we are free to believe whatever we want?  Is my opinion somehow less valid?  The unpopular truth is that it's not.  Those who disagree with you have every right to their opinion (and the right to express and defend it) as you do. 

Now, having said all of that, let me point out that while the Bible says that homosexuality is a sin, so is hate.  I don't hate gay people -- as I stated before, I have gay friends that I love.  They are very nice people who just happen to hold different beliefs than I do.  We disagree.  But we are still friends and we can have open dialog about our beliefs without feeling judged or persecuted.  I don't believe that just because two people have vastly different beliefs that they cannot be friends.  I also have Muslim friends, Jewish friends, Baptist, Methodist, Presbyterian, Catholic friends, Buddhist friends, Mormon friends, atheist friends and Wiccan friends -- none of us agree on everything spiritual, political, or even on what's socially acceptable.  Yet we all love each other and value what the other brings to the relationship -- a different point of view.  None of us advocate alienation, violence, or hateful talk.  Words like "fag" and "queer" are not part of our vernacular.  And I completely understand how homosexuals are offended by those who make signs, shout insults, and take to the streets in rallies against their chosen lifestyle or call for violence against homosexuals (or any other group).  What I do not understand, is how some do not understand that Christians can become equally offended when certain groups mirror that behavior and take to the streets in protest of us having faith in a religion that does not support their lifestyle.  It is a double standard. The problem is, we are all so busy screaming at each other to "accept" the other's point of view that we have quit listening. 

This is what I have come to realize -- there are nut jobs on both sides of any issue.  They do not really want to coexist or to have tolerance.  They actually want more than even acceptance.  What they really want and in many cases demand,  is for EVERYONE to not just tolerate or accept, but SUPPORT and PROMOTE their beliefs, opinions, lifestyles and religions. They mock, reprimand, degrade, and hate on those who do not see things from their perspective.  It is the same on both sides with the extremists -- lots of shouting and name calling in an attempt to be heard and to get their point across and absolutely no attempt to listen.  And those of us who are quiet, those of us who can openly discuss without anger or hate, are lumped in with the nuts.  It is how stereotypes are born.  It is how prejudices are formed.  And it is how hatred is bred into future generations. 



I am no authority.  I am also done being silent.



We need to quit letting the nuts speak for us.  We need to coexist and teach tolerance to each other and to future generations.  I can be your neighbor, your co-worker, and your friend without supporting your choices.  Sure, it is nice to be around people who think and believe what we do, but it is also great to be able to learn from each other.  I am reminded of a great old saying -- "It is because we are so different that we have so much to share."  I hope that those of you who wish to share your opinions and thoughts with me either through the comments or in an email.  I will not delete comments unless they are hateful.

But in the meantime....

Lessons My Kids Are Teaching My Parents

This living with my mom and dad thing is getting a little old....for me and for them.  The lease/purchase deal that we had on a house fell through because there was about $40,000 worth of repairs that needed to be done to the house and the owners were not able to foot the bill, so we are back to square one after camping out at my parent's house for 6 weeks so far.  I live with them for about 6 weeks every Summer, but by this time I am usually getting ready to go home and they are both sad and ecstatic to see me go.  It has been quite an experience for all of us and it ain't over yet.

This morning, my dad offered to take my oldest son to the motorcycle shop in Decatur with him to have a carburetor cleaned for a bike he is working on.  As soon as the invitation left his mouth, I knew there would be a problem.  See, he said in the presence of all 3 other kids.  This prompted the almost 4 year old to pipe up and say "I wanna go toooooo!!"  My dad rolled his eyes and said the first thing that popped into his head to get out of having to take a curious 4 year old to a shop full of expensive motorcycles -- "I'll take you to McDonald's later, okay?"  This was mistake number 2.  While it appeased the nearly 4 year old, it opened him up to a chorus of "I wanna go to McDonald's tooooo!!" from the rest of my brood.  So as soon as they returned from Decatur, all of the others were waiting with their shoes on ready to go to McDonald's.  It was lunchtime -- McDonald's will be covered up with moms and kid, and that was just one problem.  Dad's car only holds 3 kids and I have 4.  Sooooo...he is hiding in his bedroom and expecting me to take the kids to McDonald's.  He may not know it yet, but he is coming too and he is bringing his wallet.

One night, Mom was trying to help me get everyone ready for bed.  She made the mistake of sending them all unattended into the bathroom to brush their teeth.  Screams quickly ensued, and I went in there to discover that the little ones were using the wrong toothbrushes which resulted in a water/strawberry toothpaste fight, and they were all fighting over the sink. 

There have also been instances of giving one kid a cookie when there were not enough cookies for all four, making a special meal or sandwich or whatever for one and not wanting to repeat it 3 more times, or mentioning the possibility of doing something that is probably not going to happen or won't happen for a long time.  For example "We might go to the pool this afternoon" is interpreted as "Go get on your bathing suit right now" by my kids.  Then when it rains, or some random neighbor stops by, or whatever might prevent you from going, there are tears and disappointment.

Some of the best mistakes that they make though is to invite, on purpose, my kids to come and "help" them do something.  My dad invited my oldest out to the shop where he was working on a motorcycle.  Of course, at least 2 of the other 3 kids wanted to join them.  One of the kids noticed that my dad had dropped a screw that was now precariously balanced on the vent of the heating/cooling unit and was quick to point it out.  My father said that he knew it was there and that he needed to get it before it fell into the unit.  "Oh I can get it!" was the last thing he heard before the tell-tale tinkling of said screw falling into the unit.  Then one of them went to try on one of my dad's motorcycle helmets and dropped it onto the concrete and chipped the paint. 

My parents are also quick to point out all of MY mistakes (which is their right after putting up with me for so long and then agreeing to let us stay here while we search for somewhere to live).  Some of their points are valid, but the longer I live here, the more I think they get a better grasp of what it is that I deal with on a daily basis.  Their criticisms and advice are coming less often now.

As these things occur, all I can do is laugh (to myself, of course, because I would not want to openly laugh at my parents as they try to help me).  I suppose that living with them all of the time has kept me from making what I would consider rookie parenting mistakes.  However, since we are going to be here in town with them now (just hopefully not in their house much longer) I guess they've got to learn!

Reblog of "Through A Rapist's Eyes"

I have never reblogged anything.  I have told about stuff on other sites, but I have never "reblogged" something.  But this is too important not to share.  Someone, (I don't remember who) shared this on Facebook, and I read it.  I think that everyone needs to read it. 

The blog says "Don't even think about not reblogging this!" And I agree. 
(Other bloggers:  Even if this isn't your normal thing, please share it anyway -- you can link to the site below, or you can link back here since I have the link posted, but PLEASE share this!)

The link to the full blog is:  http://sorenthan.tumblr.com/post/26113337415/larrystylinsoneternal-opal-leaves-through

But here is the copy and pasted version:

 

”THROUGH A RAPIST’S EYES” (PLS TAKE TIME TO READ THIS. it may save a life.) Reblog this!
It seems that alot of attackers use some tactic to get away with violence. Not many people know how to take care of themselves when faced with such a
situation. Everyone should read this especially each n every girl in this world. THOUGHT THIS WAS GOOD INFO TO PASS ALONG…

FYI - Through a rapist’s eyes! A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts:

1] The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle.
They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun! , braid, or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets.

2] The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women who’s clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut clothing.

3] They also look for women using their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.

4] The number one place women are abducted from / attacked at is grocery store parking lots.

5] Number two is office parking lots/garages.

6] Number three is public restrooms.

7] Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don’t dismiss it, go with your instincts. You may feel
little silly at the time, but you’d feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

FINALLY, PLEASE REMEMBER THESE AS WELL ….

I know you are smart enough to know these pointers but there will be some, where you will go “hmm I must remember that” After reading forward it to someone you care about, never hurts to be careful in this crazy world we live in.


1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do it.

2. Learned this from a tourist guide to New Orleans : if a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you…. chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or
purse than you and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car: Kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won’t see you but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping,eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON’T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side,put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU CLOSE the DOORS , LEAVE.

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:
a. Be aware: look around your car as someone may be
hiding at the passenger side , peek into your car, inside the passenger side floor, and in the back seat. ( DO THIS TOO BEFORE RIDING A TAXI CAB) .
b. If you! u are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.
c. Look at the car parked on the driver’s side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard/policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot).

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; And even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP IT! It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked “for help” into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it’s better safe than sorry.


If u have a heart or compassion reblog this post.
‘Helping hands are better than Praying Lips’ – give us your helping hand.

REBLOG THIS AND LET EVERY GIRL KNOW
ATLEAST PEOPLES WILL KNOW WATS GOIN IN THIS WORLD.
So please reblog this….Your one reblog can Help to spread this information.
I hope you all will Reblog. Lets See how many of you really care for this.
DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT NOT REBLOGGING THIS! IT COULD ACTUALLY SAVE A LIFE!

Hey, Have We Met?

In the past two days, I have gotten annoyed with people that have sent me messages.  One was from my Facebook page and then there were several more in my email account from various companies and marketing reps.

If you follow Counting Caballeros on Facebook (and you should, I post much more random stuff there), then you already know about half of the inspiration for today's post.  I received a message from a fan of the Facebook page telling me that she was "unliking" the page because I didn't post enough.  I found it a little annoying that she felt the need to tell me this since I gain and lose fans all the time, and I have a life outside of Facebook that keeps me a little busy (you know, 4 kids, moving cross-country, looking for a place to live so I can get out of my parent's house, etc.).  I have pretty much gotten over paying any attention to the number of followers that I have both here and on my page because it fluctuates so much.  I will drive myself nuts wondering what I did to make people leave, how I could have pissed people off, etc. since the numbers go up and down for no obvious reasons.  In fact, this past weekend I lost 7 followers in less than 12 hours -- I have no idea why.  And frankly, it doesn't really matter.  So, being my usual snarky and sarcastic self, I responded to her message and told her that I actually post all the time, but that I choose fans to hide posts from because I don't like their names or their profile picture.  This prompted a lengthy email where I was called rude and immature and told that I should be ashamed of myself.  I let it go.  Even though I really wanted to email her back letting her know that it was not possible for a page to hide posts from certain users and that she was obviously way too literal to be a fan of my page anyway.  She obviously wasn't a "true" fan since her response indicates that she has no idea who I am.

Then this morning when I checked my email, I had several messages from marketing reps for various products asking me to do reviews and I had a renewed sense of annoyance.  I don't do reviews.  In fact, in the time since I started this blog, I have done ONE review.  I have another product to review, but I have not had a chance to use it yet, with everything that has been going on.  However, these emails all said the same things -- "We love your blog and the way that you keep your readers informed about new products with all of your excellent reviews and we'd like to partner with you to do a give away of our products."  I have NEVER done a give away.  I think that bloggers who do that are awesome, but I am not skilled in writing reviews, and I wouldn't even know how to do a give away or a contest.  As I said before, I will gladly tell you when a product, or company, that I have used is amazing or when it is really bad, but that really isn't my thing.  So when a company approaches me about doing stuff like that and they preface it with a statement about how they love my previous reviews, I know that they have not looked at my blog.  It also annoys me when I get asked to review products that anyone who has read my blog knows I would never use -- like a baby food maker or something equally time consuming that my kids have outgrown or would never be allowed to do like an India Ink set for kids.  I have even talked in the past about the ridiculousness of some of the products out there for kids and then received a request to do a review for that product. 

If you actually read my blog, then you'd know that I would be perfectly happy to review some new Pop Tart flavor, yoga pants, Rolo's, coffee, Coca-Cola, or even a good red wine.  Or if you have a product that keeps something from getting destroyed by kids or makes it easier to clean, I'd be willing to try it.  Here's the thing though, if you want me to review your product, you should know exactly what you are getting.  I am honest to a fault -- so if I find your product unworthy, I will pass that along to my readers just as honestly as I would pass along that it is great.  I don't know how else to do a review and maintain my integrity.  If I wasn't honest with my readers then they wouldn't listen to me.

So if you want me to review your product, then I'd like to give you a better way to ask.  Instead of a form letter, try actually reading my blog first. Then your request should look something like this:
"Hey, we know that you don't normally do reviews, but you have a pretty good following and we love for you to review our product because we are confident that it is good enough, even for you.  You are so freaking honest that we know you will not sugarcoat your opinions and that is what we want, and what your readers expect.  Please contact us and let us know if you are interested trying our product; we dare you not to like it."

To everyone else -- companies who do form letters and fans who think that their one "like" to my page is somehow more important to me than the 2,945 others on my Facebook page -- I'd say "Um, hello?  Have we met?"

Random Ramblings

I have good news.  I think.

We have an accepted offer on a house that we want to buy.  It still has to pass inspection, but barring the discovery of any major hidden damage, dead bodies, or nuclear waste, we should take possession next month and the sale will close after the first of the year. 

There hasn't been a whole lot to tell you guys about and I have been real busy with offers, counter offers, setting up inspections, researching schools, etc.  Then this weekend, we had to give up the corporate apartment that the company had provided because our first month is up.  (I am really going to miss that place -- it was so nice to go hideout over there and read or screw around on the Internet all day without the kids).  There is a bright side though:  It is one less place where our stuff is spread out.  I have been going a little nuts trying to keep track of everything and everybody.  The majority of our worldly possessions are in storage, but the suitcases, clothes, and some toys are all over the place.  There were days where some things and some kids were at my mom's, my mother-in-law's, my sister's, in the car, at the apartment, etc. all at the same time.  I am really looking forward to getting our own place where most of us and our junk can be centrally located.  There have been several times when I go to get one or more of the kids clothes for the day and discover that the only pair of underwear that they brought from the last place we stayed is the pair that they wore over, or that they only brought a pair of flip flops and we have to go to church.  It will be nice when all of their stuff is in one place.

Also, it will be nice to have our own stuff.  Last night, my husband turned on his netbook at my parent's house and it automatically went to set up their wireless network.  He had no idea what it was doing and inadvertently renamed their wireless router to his name.  We told my parents about it this morning, but I used my marketing background to put as positive a spin on it as I could by telling them that we upped their security.  Before this, anyone could have used their Wi-fi because it was an unsecured network.  Now, its so secure that no one will even know it is theirs because it has my husband's name on it. Of course, we have no idea how to change this, but they don't really care. 

We have been looking at furniture for the family room too.  We left all of our stuff in Texas because, well, it was crap.  We had a huge sectional that we had bought off of Craigslist.  The children had used it as a trampoline for the past few years and so it stayed.  We keep going into theses stores and looking a furniture and we try to explain to the salespeople that we are not buying anything yet because the deal on the house could still fall apart and we don't want to have even more crap to have to put into storage.  They follow us around, telling us all about their "once a year" deals and sales and trying to get us to go ahead and order it to "lock in the price" and because it can take 6-8 weeks if we order special fabrics.  We tried to tell them that we have 4 young kids and that unless they have a couch made out of dry erase material, we won't be needing any special fabrics, but they don't listen.  We went to one store, where you can get on their website and custom design your own couch.  We went home and tried it. It was beautiful.  Aaaaaaannnnd it was $4,000.  I look at those places a lot like I look at luxury cars:  Lamborghini's are beautiful and very desirable machines, but they do not work for us.  We don't need a Lamborghini couch -- we need a good, reliable Ford couch. 

The house we are trying to buy also has a formal dining room.  It will be empty for awhile since every table that I have seen that I like, that is big enough, that would match the built-in china cabinets in there, is over $3,000.  I am pretty stoked about the built-in china cabinets though.  I can finally get my fine china and crystal out of the bubble wrap where it has been safely stored away from my minions since 2000. 

Last night as I was discussing all of the finances with the husband, he looked at me funny.  I asked him why he was looking at me like that and he said that he could see "it" coming.  I said "What??!  What can you see coming?" He wisely moved out of punching range before responding "Your meltdown."  He's right though.  I am trying to estimate back-to-school costs, decorating and painting costs, even our initial grocery bill so that I will know exactly what I can safely spend on furniture and we don't even officially have the house yet.  There are still too many unknowns.  I hate not knowing. 

So here's what I DO know:  I am home.  Everything else will eventually fall into place.  And hopefully, I will be back to writing full-force as soon as we get settled.  Oh, and for the first time in a long time I am optimistic.  There may be a meltdown coming, but there will not be a shutdown with it.  I am where I want to be, and all the unknowns are not going to bog me down.