Moms and School -- the TRUE Story

I did not write this, but I soooooooooo  could have.  Whoever the woman is that penned this masterpiece is a champion of truth.  I know I should have posted this a couple of months ago when school was actually starting, but hey, I'm lazy.  A friend sent me this in an email about 3 weeks ago and I JUST read it today, so you are getting it as soon as I could get it to you, enjoy! (And Thanks to Cari for sending it in the first place!)


10 Misconceptions of Moms and Back-to-school



Misconception Number 1: Moms miss their kids when they go back to school Seriously. I’ve had enough of you by now. Every morning with the “what are we going to do today, Mom?” is finally over. I’ve had looked at your face twenty-four seven for the last 77 days. It’s time to go learn something. No more asking me about the pool, when is the next snack or if you can stay up late and watch a movie. It’s over….You’re going back to Hogwarts and I get to have a life again. There is a Christmas morning for parents and it’s called “back to school”.


Misconception Number 2: Moms like to go school shopping. Are you freaking kidding me? Why do I pay taxes?…so I can rack up a 200 dollar bill at Staples for crap that we have laying around my house in junk drawers. Why does it have to be new pencils? What’s wrong with the chewed up, broken strawberry shortcake pencils sitting in the bottom of the toy box for the last 6 months? And how many subject books can you possibly need? What happened to reading, writing and arithmetic. If they added a couple of things for parents to that list I wouldn’t mind so much….why not pencils, erasers and vodka …..or some Nyquil.


Misconception Number 3: Moms like back to school night. Why must we do this every year? I got it already. You’re the teacher…I’m the parent. My kid is either going to be smart or dumb. If he gets a certain number or colored dot on his discipline chart, he can’t get a prize from the prize box. Pretty simple stuff. Listen, I’m pretty old school. If he doesn’t listen to you…you can throw something at him. I don’t care. But I got a lot of work to do at home and I’m paying a babysitter right now. Plus, I’m pretty sure you are going to assign some project on wigwams made by some Indian tribe I’ve never heard of, so I need to get home and start my research. So, I got it. We’re all here for the betterment of the kids. Blah Blah Blah. Can I leave now?


Misconception Number 4: Moms like school paperwork. How many trees are you planning on killing to tell me the same stuff I had to pay a babysitter to listen to the other night? You know our name, where we live and our emergency phone numbers. He doesn’t have a nickname….call him “stinkbutt” for all I care. We don’t have any “special circumstances” that you need to know about. He lives in a home with two parents who may or may not like each other at any given time and they will fight. If that qualifies as a reason he can’t get his homework done on time then he won’t be able to function as an adult and have a real job so you may want to “educate” him on that life lesson.


Misconception Number 5: Moms like covering books in that annoying sticky paper. What exactly will you be doing with these books that I have to cover them in a plastic laminate? Do you often teach in the rain? Or while the children are drinking soda and eating soup? Do you know how long that takes? Has any parent in the history of education been able to do it without any air bubbles in it? From now on I’m covering it the old way…brown paper bags. That way I can cover the books and pack their lunches at that same time. Who says moms can’t multitask?

PS. Please tell my son if he can’t find his lunch to look in his science book.



Misconception Number 6: Moms like helping you with your homework. What? I am scared out of my mind. I’m pretty sure that I forgot everything I learned in fifth grade by the time I was in sixth grade. I have no idea what you are talking about most days. I don’t really know my 12 times tables, I read the cliff notes to all your summer reading and I don’t know how to conjugate anything but I do know that song “conjuction junction what’s your function” if that helps at all. And please don’t even say the words “new math” to me. What the heck was wrong the old one?


Misconception Number 7: Moms can’t wait to pack your lunch every day until we die.I hate doing laundry. Making dinner every night is the bane of my existence, so making your lunch every day for an entire year, in terms of “mom fun”, lies somewhere between brushing plaque off the dogs teeth and scheduling my annual pap smear. Listen, as a child I hated what my mom packed me for lunch. But, like every kid before me, and every generation to come you will find a kid to trade with…I’m sure someone likes sardines.


Misconception Number 8: Moms love after school activities. I don’t know who made up this idea of organized clubs and sports but they should be the ones in charge of carting your ass around. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not against all after school programs. I just wish they would offer it during hours that would work best for me so that dinner wasn’t at 8:30 at night followed by 4 hours of homework. Why not do it on the weekends and call it “after-hours activities” so mommy and daddy could actually go out one night and pretend that we have a life of our own. Don’t worry about us though I’m sure that me and “what’s his name” will be married a very long time.

Misconception Number 9: Moms don’t mind taking you to school if you miss the bus. Your bus comes at 7:10 am….which means that you should be standing by the door at 7:05 am. Not eating breakfast , chasing the dog around the house or in the bathroom, asking me to check your homework while I’m taking a shower. Get it together! I don’t like running down the street in my jammies at 7:12 screaming “Please wait” or “If you stop I’ll show you my boobies.”


Misconception Number 10: Moms cry on your first day of school. We do cry but they are tears of joy. I have done my job. I have successfully kept a human child alive for at least 5 years without doing any major damage. Motherhood is the hardest job in the world!! Sure, doctors save lives and CEO’s run million dollar businesses but…you teach a kid not to poop their pants and then you can say you’ve made the world a better place.”

Another Political Rant

I have had a lot on my mind lately about the way the events of 9/11 are being recognized.  I know exactly where I was that day -- I was getting onto I-85 in Buford, GA on my way to have an ultrasound for my first child.  It was my husband's birthday, as well as my dad's, and I had just gotten off of the phone with my mom who told me that my dad was en route to Washington DC for work when the news came on the radio.  The initial impression was that this was an accident -- not a terrorist attack, so while I was horrified for those involved, there was no fear yet.  By the time I reached the doctor's office, the second plane had hit and there was speculation forming about what was going on.  Then we heard about the Pentagon, and I began to think of my dad who was "en route" to Washington.  Then the 4th plane went down and I began obsessively switching from CNN, to NBC, to Fox News looking for ANY new information.  Panic doesn't really begin to describe that feeling.  Fear is a short word with heavy meaning that I never fully understood until that day.  It was afternoon before I got through to my mom who told me my dad was safe.  But even then, I knew that there were thousands who were personally effected by these tragedies, even if I had been lucky enough to have not lost anyone.  The coming days and weeks were full of stories of tragedy, heroism, loss, and rescues.  There was hope, and lost hope, and this country went on an emotional roller coaster ride that I do not believe any of us will ever forget or would want to repeat.  There were images of people celebrating this attack in other countries -- dancing in the street chanting "Death to America," and there were little children who were being taught to trample and burn our flag by their parents.  Those images made me angry.  Angry at any country who celebrated the tragic death of innocent men, women, and children and thought that it somehow proved that we were infidels and that "Allah" was on their side and not ours.  That anger took a long time to dissipate.

Some people in our country are still holding onto that anger.  They spout off without thinking at the drop of a hat, and go into tirades about the Muslims, the Arabs, the terrorists as if they are all one in the same.  While I relish the fact that we live in a free country, and I understand that the Freedom of Speech applies to everyone (even those who make an ass out of themselves every time they open their mouths), I believe that this particular freedom is frequently abused.  The men most directly responsible for the terrorist attacks on our country died along with their victims.  Many of those who helped to facilitate those attacks have been captured or killed in the War on Terror.  As for the thousands, or perhaps millions, who relish in America's pain...well, they have their own pain.  They live in countries where their freedoms are few, their luxuries far between, and their "government" cares little (if anything) about their plight.  I learned in elementary school that you cannot make everyone love you -- or even LIKE you -- so it should come as no surprise that there are countries out there who do not think America is awesome the way that I do.  However, the key is the same with countries as it is with a 7 year old -- you may not like them, but you have to share the classroom.  So while I do not believe that we can force them to like us and our lifestyles and our religions and our way of life, I KNOW that we have to coexist with them. 

So why, would ANYONE in their right mind think that burning the Koran would accomplish anything other than inciting more anger and hatred?  I am not suggesting that we all hold hands and sing "Kumba Ya" or get together for a picnic, but how is burning the sacred text of Islam going to help anyone move forward?  How would this Pastor Jones feel if a Muslim group recommended that everyone burn a Bible on December 25th?  It is ludicrous.  On the flip-side, why would anyone think that it would be a good idea to build a mosque on Ground Zero?  I personally believe that that is sacred ground -- not "religious" sacred, but patriotically sacred.  It belongs to our nation -- not to the Baptists, the Catholics, the Mormons, the Jews or the Muslims.  NO church should be allowed to build there.  The men who caused all of that mayhem, death, and grief did so in the name of Islam.  And while "true" Islam (as I understand it) does not support their actions, they did what they did in the "Name of Allah."  Building a mosque on that site would be like building a Nazi Cultural Center at Auschwitz -- completely inappropriate.

And that is my rant for the day.

God bless th USA and may He be with all of the men and women who serve this country and often die to protect the freedoms that we so often misuse and abuse.