Alms For The Moms

I am thinking seriously of starting a charity for stay-at-home moms. I could collect and fundraise in order to provide maid service, babysitting, and psychotherapy. I mean, let’s face it, being a mom is HARD WORK and although most of the times the perks are great, you are often rewarded with a bad attitude, a slammed door, and a chorus of “It’s not fair.” I think that on some level all of us thought going into this that we were going to be having fun filled days with happy, obedient children like on TV commercials for diapers and fruit juices. We thought that there would be fun-filled days of baking with our kids and rolling around in our backyards after a great game of tag. We thought that the biggest mess we’d be faced with was the smudges on the light switch like in the Formula 409 commercials, or the grass stains on the Spray N’ Wash commercials. Yep, television has definitely misrepresented this job.


For example: It is Tuesday, and so far the adventures in Mommy-hood this week have included cleaning toothpaste off of my oven door, washing Jello out of the bed spread, scraping dried rice off of the dining room mirror, getting hardened Play-Dough off of the TV remote, getting peanut butter off of the ceiling, vacuuming crumbled Pop Tart off of the couch, throwing away a gazillion and five pieces of paper that all have 1-2 marks on them (and are therefore no good anymore), and cleaning enough hair off of the beater bar of the vacuum cleaner to make a decent toupee. These are just the special projects – I have also cleaned the bathrooms, washed 8 loads of laundry, done the dishes 4 times, made lunches, and gotten everyone fed and to school. I have also somehow managed to get chocolate INSIDE my shoe and also mustered the guts to determine that it IS chocolate. My 7 year old has used her 1726 Bendaroos to spell out all of the curse word that she knows on the wall under the heading: “Do not repeat.” The 4 year old has become freakishly attached to a string of paper circles that she made at school and carries it with her everywhere calling it “Wormy.” The 9 year old has completed -- and turned in for a grade -- a report on “Jupider” that I got to look at while at open house last night. And the 2 year old (who is almost potty trained) has become obsessed with putting things INSIDE his underwear – I am wondering how many times I can douse the remote in Lysol before it quits working.


I have found that as much as I loathe and detest exercise, I look forward to going to the gym for the 2 free hours of child care. I was thinking about this while I was on the treadmill yesterday between picking the kids up from school and going back for open house, and I really think that there ought to be a charity for stay at home moms. Alms For The Moms would be an excellent name.