I just wanted to put that out there so that when you wonder what the point of this post is, you will know that the point is simply to postpone all of the crap I need to get done today -- going to the grocery store, getting on the treadmill, folding clothes, etc. That and I need to vent about dieting so that I don't raid the candy aisle when I finally make it to the store.
Today I am seriously wishing that I could just be comfortable being fat so that I could get me a big ol' Route 44 Coke, a bag of Sweet Chili Doritos, and lay on the couch and stuff my face while I clear the DVR. But all it takes to kill that inclination is for me to try to put on real clothes. You know, clothes with buttons and zippers instead of elastic and stretch cotton. I feel like I should convalesce until I am presentable to the world again. I am doing well though, on the diet and exercise stuff. I've forced myself to exercise, I am eating healthy, non-processed foods, and I tell myself that if I give up and give in now it will undo the torturous hell that I have endured up to this point and I will just get disgusted and want to get healthy again at some point and I'd have to start over. I do NOT want to have to start over. And standing next to skinny people on the beach in June keeps me motivated.
I think I will write a self-help book and call it "Change Sucks But You Are Fat." It will be all about how to make healthy foods more palatable, how exercise won't kill you even if it feels like it will, and how awesome unhealthy food is but also how bad it is for you. It will contain pictures of me on the treadmill looking like I am dying that have captions like "If I can do this, you can do this." or "Just remember that if you stop, you will be fat FOREVER." I will reveal the truth about all of the lies people tell you about losing weight because the reality makes it all easier to bear. For example, all of my life I have been told that "once you get your body off of sugar, you will stop craving it and when you eat it it won't even taste good." This is a lie. Sugar is awesome no matter how bad it is for you. Another big lie is "if you will get into the habit of working out, your body will crave exercise and you will feel worse when you don't do it." Bull. What they ought to tell you is that you will NEVER stop craving sugary stuff, but that it is a slippery slope. Once you eat sugary foods, it is really easy to eat more sugary foods and then you are screwed because you can't stop. And as for exercise, the truth is that you will loathe it unless you are naturally athletic (I am not). You will have to make yourself do it so that you can occasionally have those fattening, sugary treats that you crave so very much. I will also get real about "Healthy Weight Charts" because they are full of lies too. I am 5" 8', I wear a size 11 shoe, I have a barrel chest and 7" wrists. According to "the chart" I should weigh between 126 and 146 pounds. I read that and I want to laugh, then cry, then go eat my weight in Oreos. Those charts are crap and if you search the internet long enough, you can find one that says you are okay just the way you are. I know because I found one that says that a large framed 40 year old woman could weigh up to 197 pounds and still not be overweight. Ignore the charts. Ignore the scale. If you want to know if you are overweight, look in the mirror when you get out of the shower. That is how I found out that I was slowly morphing into Jaba the Hutt.
My weight loss journey began the day that I decided to take my measurements to see if what was reflected in that mirror was accurate. Sadly, the mirror was being kind. I measured my neck, chest, arms, torso, waist, hips, thighs, calves -- everything. I wrote it all down and stared slack-jawed at what was before me. With these measurements, I could probably shop successfully in the men's big and tall section. That was the turning point. That was the last day I had a Route 44 Coke and the first day I got on the treadmill.
Writing all of this out has motivated me enough to get off of the couch and go get on the treadmill so that I can shower and go to the store (avoiding the candy aisle) and buy more lettuce. No, avoiding unhealthy food isn't easy. No, losing weight is not nearly as fun as gaining weight. No, my body will never crave exercise and it will always prefer fatty, sugary, starchy foods. Coke. And bacon. And buttered bread. And THAT is why I must now go get on the treadmill.