This is me...

This is me...
I'm having a mom moment....

Thursday, October 20, 2011


Yesterday, the girl child brought home a notice from school telling me that my kids had "excessive tardies" and that if it persisted, I would be turned over to the truancy police.  First of all, my kids have been tardy 5 times over the course of 9 weeks -- to me that is not "excessive."  Also, with the exception of one day when I thought they had eye doctor appointments and they were 40 minutes late, and the day after the US Airways debacle when they were an hour late, their arrival times were noted as 8:01, 8:02 and 8:03.  Seriously??!  So this morning as I was still stewing about it, and since it is one of my 2 kid-free days, and since the alternative was to do more housework, I sat down and whipped up this little poem.  I used to write poems and lyrics all the time, but this is my first one in awhile.  It could use some work, but I'm not trying to get it published or anything.  I call it "Everyday."  Hope you guys enjoy it!


The alarm goes off and I hit the snooze
I feel like I've been drinking booze
7 more minutes, and then I'll rise and shine.
Time flies by and the alarm is beeping
Into my head, the panic starts creeping
I look at the clock and I know I'm short on time.

Crawl out of bed wake the kids up
Stumble to the sink and wash my favorite cup
In my world, running behind's the rule.
It's 7:15 the house is a disaster
Tell the kids they need to move faster
Gotta make the lunches for them to take to school.

Brush their hair and get their clothes out
They spill the milk and I try to not shout
I swear there's too much crap piled in the floor.
Grab the sponge and step on some Leggo's
The toaster sticks and I burn the Eggos
At this rate we'll never get out the door.

The little ones are still asleep in their bed
Despite the noise they can sleep like the dead
But they have to move so we can get in the car.
I walk into their room and the smell just hits me
The sheets and PJ's are covered in kid pee
Its 7:35 and I want to hit the bar.

The oldest two are fighting and fussing
I'm just trying to refrain from cussing
As I strip the youngest two down to change their clothes.
Swipe them both with a cloth to kill the smell
This is the definition of mommy hell
Then the oldest child utters the words every mother loathes:

"Hey mom, you were supposed to send snacks
And they're not in my backpack
I brought the note home last week and gave it to you."
Oh crap was that for today?
I try to think of something to say
That won't reveal that I have no idea what I'm gonna do.

My options are limited but I start looking
A glance at the clock says we need to be booking
I toss him the Rice Krispie Treats and hope there's enough.
The 3 year old is running around in the nude
I'm chasing him down but I'm really not in the mood
No one warned me that mornings would be this tough.

We hit the door like the house is on fire
The time on the clock about to expire
As we back out of the drive I see that I'm a mess.
I have no bra beneath my shirt
And the shirt itself is covered in dirt
But my kids are ready for school, more or less.

The school is just a mile away
We'll make it if traffic's light today
But as we get closer I see that the cars are backed into the street.
Bouncing in my seat with aggravation
I glance at the clock with agitation
The kids are shouting instructions from the backseat:

"Let us out we'll walk from here!"
I say, "You'll never make it dear."
(And I know that I'd get reamed out by the school).
The crossing guard keeps stopping traffic
And my language is about to get graphic
Seriously, the guy is such a tool.

Finally we are at the drop zone
I hear the bell ring and in my head I moan
My kids are late again despite all I've tried to do.
They go on to class and take their tardies
They study hard 'cause they are both smarties
And I head home to put the coffee onto brew.

I wash the sheets and bathe the small fries
As much as I really do love all these guys
I need a moment, maybe more but I'd settle for one.
I grab the Lysol and spray the pee stain
Just as the kids clog the tub drain
It's been a hell of a day and its barely just begun.

There's so much to do that its a quandary
Should I do dishes or start on the laundry?
I put on Nick Jr. to keep the little ones out of my hair.
I go to my room and the computer calls for me
Email, blog, and Facebook wait for me to see
What's going on in my virtual world while I'm not there?

I get the clothes on the floor into a pile
Scrub toothpaste off the bathroom tile
Load the dishwasher and find another glass.
3:00 comes and we pick the kids up
Back at the house I make them do clean-up
I look through their backpacks for updates from their class.

There's a note from school, a sort of warning
About how my kids are late in the mornings
And if it's not corrected I'll be turned over to the cops.
For a moment I feel like I am full of fail
Then my snarky side prevails
And I whip out a response that shows I've got some chops.

I tell them why my mornings are hard
And that if it weren't for the stupid crossing guard
We'd make it to school with plenty of time to spare.
I let them know that my temper is short
So go ahead and send me to court
I'll walk in bra-less with Cheerios in my hair.

The judge will note what they fail to see
No one cares for these kids like me
And I'm doing my best to get them on time to school.
At 8:01 they're not really late
In fact, most days that's doin' great
A few minutes grace period ought to be the rule.

The school won't care about the letter
They'll just think that I could do better
And  look down their noses at my defiance of the rules.
I do my best to get my kids there
Despite what they think, I really do care
But I think they're acting like a bunch of tools.


Counting Caballeros said...

I'm feeling rather Suessian today.....

PennyBroome said...

I so totally agree. Last year we were late at least 3 our of 5 days a week, every flippin' week. They never called the truancy police, but I was warned about it so often I can't count how many times. And yes, one or two minutes should not be considered 'tardy'. Ugh. I have done much better this year, but only because I have become the "get in the car Nazi."

Savannah McQueen said...

Well written. I always enjoy reading whatever you write. We home school now but when my older two were younger I we did this race for school. Not only was the crossing guard a fool, but the other mother drivers used to make me go nuts. When you think about how over worked the social workers are (I husband is one) it is sad that they would waste their time with this kind of "tardiness." Hope your Friday is a good one.