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Saturday, April 21, 2012

How I Became The Mother Of 4 Kids

"Wow!  YOU have FOUR kids??!  How'd THAT happen?"

FYI -- don't ever say that to anyone.  It's kinda rude.  It implies that having four kids is somehow weird, or that ME having four kids is somehow weird.  Both of which may hold some truth, but it's still rude.  But, since I have never shared just how these minions invaded my life, I will share it now.  (Not the actual HOW -- I mean, eeeewwww.  But, you know, the how.)

In 1997, I met my husband.  We knew almost immediately that we were meant to be together, and in less than 7 months we were engaged and 6 months after that, we tied the knot.  We had grand plans -- be married for 5 years, have a child.  When that child was 3 years old and potty trained, we'd have another.  When child number 2 was potty trained, we'd decide whether or not we wanted a third.  We knew that the kids were in our future, we planned on them.  Very specific, detailed plans.  We planned, God laughed.

In early 2001, my sister called to tell me that she was pregnant.  I believe my exact words were "Better you than me, but congratulations."  Less than 3 weeks later, I found out that I was pregnant too.  My sister was a little miffed -- I had butted in on her special time.  It was completely unintentional.  I was a little shocked.  Not at her reaction, but at being pregnant at all.   THIS was not my plan.  I had only been married a little over 2 years, Baby #1 wasn't supposed to come for another 3 years.  I was on birth control.  I wasn't sure how this had happened (I mean, I KNOW how it happened, but I had not planned on this).  Plan or not, there was a baby coming, and regardless of WHEN we had planned on it, it was happening now.  We embraced it.  Gladly.

I was one of THOSE people -- the ones who said that I was going to work until the baby was born and that I would go back after the baby was born.  I was convinced that I was not going to let this change my plans anymore than it already had.  Other than reeducating myself in the creative napping techniques that I had learned in high school to make it through my work day, making time for doctor's appointments, and eating and sleeping like a teenager again, no major changes.  But at 7 months, I started almost passing out -- kind of a bad thing when you are in outside sales and spend half of your day in a car.  So the doctor's put me on home bound.  This was the beginning of the end of my career.

When my water broke, it was not a big river like I was expecting, but I knew.  Unfortunately, when I called the doctor's office, the doctor on call believed that I had "just peed a little."  So, since it was the weekend, and since this was my first pregnancy and I was not quite the snark filled creature that I am now, I hung up the phone and went to bed.  Monday, I didn't feel right.  I was really thirsty and really tired, and I slept a lot.  Tuesday, I went to the doctor and the same idiot who was on call over the weekend was there that day and he sent me home without a thorough exam.  My husband was working nights, and when he came home early Wednesday morning, he found the cat and dog pressed up against the cool glass of the sliding door.  The heat was cranked up to 78 degrees, I had the gas fireplace going and I was curled up on the hearth -- as close to the flames as I could possibly get without actually catching fire.  He put me into the car and took me to the hospital.  Problem was, the hospital was IN Atlanta.  And it was rush hour.  It took more than 2 hours to get to the hospital.  I was having contractions.  By the time we got to the hospital, they were about 2-3 minutes apart.  I was certain that I was going to die. 

After being rushed back into the maternity ward, a very sweet, older nurse, came to the room and sat down on the bed beside me.  She took my hand in hers and said very gently "Sweetie, you are NOT in labor."  I began to protest, thinking that if this wasn't labor then they were going to have to just knock me out until it was over.  She said "You are having contractions, but they are not progressing.  You are contracting because you have an infection.  Your fever is over 104 and you are dehydrated."  They determined that I was dilated 2 cm, and then put me on a fetal monitor, an IV with medicine for the infection, medicine to help my labor progress, and gave me my epidural because I was in pain. 

Now, insane with fever, pumped full of drugs, and worn out from fighting infection is the best way to be in labor.  I remember very little of the next 8 hours or so.  By the time I was coming around, I could feel my legs.  I wasn't supposed to be able to feel my legs with the epidural.  So I called the nurse.  My sweet old nurse was gone and in her place was a shrew.  She told me that I couldn't really feel my legs.  She said that it was an illusion.  Although I could feel my legs, I didn't think I could walk on them, or I would have marched down to the nurses station and told her off.  The doctor on call was awesome.  He came in about 7:30 and said he thought things should be ready to go within the next hour.  When I told him I felt ready now, he snapped on some gloves and said "Well, then let's do this!"  35 minutes later, I was a mother.  He was 7 pounds and 11 ounces.  (Oh, and after the baby was taken away, I swung my legs over the side of the bed and walked to the bathroom -- much to the horror of the shrewish nurse who said "Well, I guess your epidural DID wear off."  Idiot.)

Unfortunately, my new son had been the source of my fever and he took it with him when he left me.  They let me see him briefly before whisking him off to the NICU.  No one was telling me anything.  Nearly 3 hours had passed before I knew that he was in trouble.  My husband and I went to the NICU to see our son elevated on a crib, full of wires and IV lines, fighting the infection that had brought us to the hospital that morning.  The next few days were torture.  He was a fighter though -- and he began improving.  A little over a week later, we were able to take him home. 

My husband and I had been surprised by this baby, but we had decided that we would continue with our plan -- 3 years later we would have another kid.  Well, when Baby #1 was 15 month old, I was pregnant again.  Again, I had been on birth control and wasn't sure how this had happened.  My OB started calling me "Fertile Myrtle."  I admit that the news of my pregnancy, at first, made me cry.  I felt that I would be depriving my oldest child of something by having another child so soon.  My mother calmed me down, and soon I was embracing the idea of having 2 children so close in age.  We found out that this child would be a girl, and we were happy to have one of each. 

I was scheduled to be induced on a Monday.  I was supposed to leave for the hospital around 7:30 in the morning.  My new daughter, however, had other plans.  I woke up in labor around 2 am the morning of my scheduled induction, and by 9 am I was the proud mother of an 8 pound, 15 ounce baby girl.  Three days later, we brought her home.  By 7 months old, the little dynamo was pulling up on furniture, and beginning to cruise.  By 9 months old, she was running through the house.  She had her own health scare -- at a year old, her doctor was concerned with how small she was and we had to have her tested for cystic fibrosis.  Luckily, she was fine.  Somehow she had thumbed her nose at her gene pool and was the one thing I never was or ever will be -- petite. 

A few months after her 2nd birthday, my husband and I briefly discussed whether or not we wanted to have another child.  We decided to think about it and discuss it again in a few months.  I found out I was pregnant less than 2 weeks later.  Again, this was a birth control baby.  My OB amended her nickname to include my husband -- we were now "Fertile Myrtle and Potent Pete."  Baby number 3, another girl, arrived at 7 pounds and 12 ounces the day before Thanksgiving 2006.  I was now outnumbered.  Three kids, under 5.  We were busy all the time, but our kids loved each other and we loved them.

The Summer after Baby #3 arrived, my husband began interviewing for another job.  His interviews took him to Texas where he was offered a job and accepted.  My mom came and stayed with my 2 oldest while he and I took Baby #3 out to Texas to look for a house to rent.  We found one with 4 bedrooms -- each child could have their own room and a room for us.  It was perfect.  Two weeks later, the husband left with a U-Haul full of stuff and I stayed in Georgia to try and sell the house, with the plan that we would follow at Christmas a few months later.

Three weeks before Thanksgiving, I got very sick.  I was certain that it was the flu.  I went to the doctor to confirm and he said that he was pretty sure that it was the flu, but wanted to run a blood test to check the white count.  The next day, he called and this was the conversation:

"Your white count looks good, but you are pregnant."
"Ummmm.....NO.  That isn't possible.  I am on birth control, I am still nursing, and I have only seen my husband once in the past 6 weeks."
"Well, (chuckle), I'd go buy a lottery ticket with odds like that!"
"Really??  'Cause I'm not feeling very lucky!"

When I called the husband, he laughed.

So, now sick, pregnant, with 3 kids 5 and younger and a husband working out of state, and trying to sell a house and pack up everything and move halfway across the country, I began to come to terms with the fact that I was to be the mother of 4.  My OB declared that I was one of the 0.02%  of the female population that is unaffected by birth control, and I thanked the Lord that I had never been a slut in high school because this whole process could have started a long time ago and I could have been the old woman in the shoe by now.

Somehow, we got moved to Texas and into our now too small house and I found a new OB and life kept happening.  When baby #3 was 20 months old, I gave birth to a TEN POUND, three ounce, red headed, baby boy.  I now had a 6 1/2 year old, a 4 1/2 year old, a 20 month old, and an infant -- 2 boys bookending 2 girls.  30 minutes after Baby #4 was born I had my tubes tied. 

And THAT is how I became the mother of 4 kids. 

I love my kids. All 4 of them. The beauty of being a mother is that no matter how many times your love is divided, it is still whole.  I had not planned on 4, but God knew that I needed all of them.  Of course I vent about how they drive me crazy, I complain about the unforgivable things that carrying them has done to my body, and I sometimes wonder what my career might have been.  But I LOVE my kids and I wouldn't trade any of them for anything.  It isn't weird.  It's my family.  And it's perfect.

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Anonymous said...

"It isn't weird. It's my family. And it's perfect."

Love that! My family did not turn out the way I expected, either. Thought I was going to have four or five, and it turned out that I was a) very infertile (I have a condition and it was really random that I even got pregnant with the Maiden) and b) my first child was (and remains) quite a challenge. It took a long time before I was at the point where I could say, "This is my little family, and it's perfect."

The strange journeys life takes us on . . .

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Anonymous said...

Good on ya, momma! I have four, also. We chose each pregnancy, although admit the twins in the middle were a shock.

We even still flirt with the idea of a fifth.

But it's harmless flirting. No way I'm letting that guy take me on a date.

Marianne said...

Holy crap. What an amazing story and you are definitely a poster child for "birth control fails...a LOT." I wanted 5 kids, but got cut off, so I'm a little bit jealous. I secretly hope my tubal will fail at some point. Maybe visiting your blog will help?

Maren said...

You need to come visit me! In our little community, we joke that 3 kids is the minimum buy-in. I have many friends with 3-4, several with 5-6 and even one with 10 kids. Around here, if 4 stair-step kids are trailing you into the store, no one even bats an eyelash. :)

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Emily said...

I love this! I swear my husband and I have had unprotected sex 2 times and have 2 kids to show for it! We are so with you on God nowing what we need btter than we do. Can't wait to read more on your blog.

Anonymous said...

Well if I ever needed some positivity I got it here. I am going to be the mommy of a fourth next year May at which time I will have a 5 year 5mth old, a 4 year 2 mth old and a 2 year 1 mth old. Well first I will say its unbelievable to me too. We always said we wanted 4 children but had actulally decided to wrap at 3. Well after a 1 night out of maybe 60 here comes another baby. Bwoy I must have the luck of the draw. I must admit I did cry a lil as I was just loving the fact that # 1 n 2 are now fully potty trained and #3 is rearing to go! My career is on a trajectory that would work better without another preggo but all in all I am warming to the idea. Prepping my mind and body for another delivery and praying all goes well. My hubby is the most supportive. He's had nothing but love and support for us. So to all those inquisitive ppl who can't figure it out.. Life happens and you havee to handle your bizz. We love our children nd take very good care of them. We spend lots of time with them and both work full time. I know I will be getting some of those rude stares and questions but I got the answers they don't think I will be giving. Pepper!

Melanie Hawkins said...

Great post! I also have 4, and at age 31! While most of society now a days starts having babies in their 30's, I've been a 'freak show' for a long time. I had always, always wanted 4. Oddly enough last year my mom pulled out an autobiography I had written in grade school saying that I would in fact have 4 kids; 3 boys and 1 girl to be exact. Oddly enough, that's exactly what I got! Although I guess I changed my life's path a little since I'm now expecting number 5! I'll likely be getting my tubes tied after this one.