This is me...

This is me...
I'm having a mom moment....

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

I Don't Need Any More Moxie

First things first -- I have been nominated again for The Circle Of Moms Top 25 Funny Moms contest.  PLEASE go HERE and vote for me.  I am not expecting to win, but I'd LOVE to stay in the Top 25, and I'd be over the moon to do at least as well as I did last year (I think I was #9).  You can vote every day, once a day, and you can vote from your computer and your phone, you can pester your friends to vote, your family.....just sayin'. 

Now, if you follow me on Facebook, you may be aware of the drah-ma that happened last Friday night.  As a general rule, I don't have trolls on my page.  I don't post enough controversial stuff to warrant them showing their true nature I guess.  Last Friday though, I was worrying that I had lost my blogging mojo and before I knew it I was in the process of dealing with the oldest girl and her pranking her big brother so I was writing the post about all of it (that post is HERE).  I posted the following status on my Facebook page:
So here I was, worrying about how I had nothing -- NOTHING, I tell you -- worth blogging about, and as if on cue, my kid rocks her stupid immaturity and poor decision making skills like no one's business and BAM! Blog is writing itself!! Should be done sometime tonight, so look for it in the morning. :)
 If you follow me here, or on Facebook, then you should be able to see the sarcasm and cynicism dripping off of that status.  Unfortunately, not everyone could.  I received the following comment from a person named "Moxie" who will one day, no doubt be the PTA Mom of the Year:
I'm sorry, are you really talking about your kid that way?? Don't you realize that her decision skills are in direct relation to your parenting ability?? This is OUTSTANDINGLY, offensive, and sad to me. I'm a mom of a little girl, that will one day too soon start making some of those bad decisions, and I hope to DEATH, I never project my lack of positive reinforcement of my children on facebook, in front of the whole to see. I'm sorry for your kids.
This hit me like a smack across the face because I received the notification of this comment at the precise moment that I was writing about how my daughter and I had resolved the situation.  And because I had given no indication as to what the issue was, I took offense that she assumed that the bad decision was a reflection on MY parenting skills.  But that last line...."I'm sorry for your kids."  That one really got my ire up.  This is how I responded:
Wow. Are you new here? You don't know anything about me, my kids, or the situation because I haven't published the blog post yet. So let me enlighten you on a few things before you get all high & mighty on MY page:
 First off, I have 4 kids (all between 4 & 11) & the kid here is 9 years old so I expect her to make some bad decisions.
2nd of all, the bad decision that she made tonight has NOTHING to do with my parenting except for what happened afterwards when she & I resolved the issue (there will be details in the blog, but since you've already made up your mind that I'm a horrible parent, I doubt you'll read it).
Third, this is a HUMOR page. So perhaps you should read that status again & rethink your rush to judgement. If you still feel the same, feel free to hit the "unlike" button.
Fourth, I did not call my daughter stupid -- I said her immaturity was stupid. If you think immaturity is not stupid, then you obviously sprang from the womb as a responsible (& rather judgemental) adult.
Finally, do not compare yourself to me. Don't tell me that "you'd never" or that your kid is somehow better off or that you "feel sorry for my kids." Because frankly, you are not me. Your kid will have her own problems & you will no doubt cause some of them.
I am sure that the people who have been here a while understood this post & the spirit behind it. Perhaps they can explain it to you if you don't get it.
She apparently did not like that.  This was her response:
It's not a judgement I'm making. It's a fact. I'll ask you to spend some time thinking about the world before the facebooks, blog sites, or any other fast paced communication thing.. And the damage it caused knowing because we heard it, or heard about it when our parents discussed openly their disappointment in us.. How cutting and hurtful those words were.. How you would lay your head down at night feeling really awful about what you'd done, with a shred of hope that not the whole world knew. That is not the reality. In my previous comment, I had not judged you as a person, only as a parent, making a bad decision to broadcast their child's (9 years old) unfortunate decision to do something, sometime later that would be shared, not only with her Moms close friends, but any number of her 3000 plus fans that could be potentially viewing this. I will say, I can't say you are a bad parent, because, I really DON'T know. But as a parent, I feel like this is a sad way to deal with your confusion as to her decisions. And, if this is a humor page, as the page CLEARLY states, say something funny. And, let your daughter make mistakes without having the embarrassment of having however many people read it, without even her consent. Tell me when she laughs. Your page was disliked after reading your original comment. I don't waste time on people that throw their family under the bus for a cheap laugh.
I find it interesting that she says it wasn't a judgement, but then says that she had judged me to be a bad parent, then says that she doesn't know if I'm a bad parent....then she says something about my confusion at my kid's actions.  The only confussion I had was about what she was trying to say because she wasn't making much sense.  Rather than attacking her grammar and lack of cohesive thought, I posted this:
Buh-bye then. And further proof that you don't know what you're talking about: my daughter DOES know that I posted this. She DOES know that I am blogging about it. We DID talk about it. Because just like every immature decision she makes, there were lessons taught and tears shared. Lessons that I will share with my fans. And it will be funny to me one day, but it will be funny to my fans now. I don't need "fans" like you.
My kids know that I am a writer and that I write freelance and for this blog.  They know that any and every stupid, crazy, and unbelievable thing that they do has the potential for becoming a blog or a facebook post.  And I DID talk to my daughter about it.  I even let her read the post after I posted it.  So I take great offense at this person's attitude, insinuations, and accusations.  Several other people jumped to my defense, and we attempted (in vain) to point out to her that she was misunderstanding the post (and my page) and she continued to get nastier and nastier.  She made silly threats, accused all of these people coming to my defense of being my friends and making claims that the people who agree with her just weren't commenting (delusional much?)

For a while, it was sort of....well, fun.  I don't get people like that very often.  Most of my fans are awesome.  And they get me.  So this was new and different.  I admit that I perpetuated it a bit and it was a bit of an ego boost to see people coming to my defense.  I likened it to watching reality TV:
Moxie, I know that I should never "feed the trolls", but this is sort of like watching an episode of "Honey Boo-Boo" -- I know that what I am seeing is just chock-full of ignorance, but I just can't look away. I will no doubt end up dusting off the ban-hammer that I so rarely get to use since most all of the people here have a sense of humor. I may even report you to FB for making threats....
But it just went on and on and on and she just wouldn't stop. (To post the entire thread here would have made this longer than anyone wanted to read, so I just pulled a few of her comments and a few of mine).   And it was, by this time, nearly three in the morning.  So I posted one last thing and it must've worked because she did not come back:
You said that we were talking about children and these people all showed I was hosting a very public humor page and YOU showed up with your judgeyness. You are welcome to your opinion, it just doesn't mesh with anyone else's here. You are acting like we're trying to change your mind -- we're not. You said you unliked the page, why are you still here? I am past being amused by you and your comments.....
Luckily, she never responded.  I doubt that she will read this since I have so offended her with my horrible parenting skills, but I hope that you see what I do here. 

This isn't just about Moxie and her delusional ideas about how I should parent my kids.  This is about The Mommy Wars -- its about how your way is better or worse than my way and therefore I am better or worse than you.  It's about passing judgement on someone without knowing their story.  When I see a mom that is so apparently apathetic to what her kids are doing at the grocery store, I sympathize.  I've been there.  When I see a mom roll her eyes behind her kids' backs, I get it.  When I see a mom picking up fast-food for dinner I know it might be because she has worked all day or because it's a kid's birthday, or any number of reasons. When I see a mom who has to physically restrain her child from knocking things over or harming another kid, I wonder if there might be an ADHD or an Autism diagnosis to explain the behavior.  I do not automatically assume that this is the mom's "fault" when I see a kid act out.  I don't know their story.  But I do know A LOT of moms who all have different stories.  Because they are all different.  Because their kids are all different. And because their situations are all different.  So I have a hard time picking a side in The Mommy Wars.  I am on the moms' side. One of my favorite quotes is "There is no way to be a perfect mother, but there are a million ways to be a good one."  To that I say, AMEN.  We are all facing this motherhood thing with different backgrounds, different kids, different circumstances, and we will all have different outcomes.  And we all rock.

I hope that one day Moxie realizes that, but if she doesn't, well... I think I have enough "moxie" for now.


Tammy said...

This is just a guess, but I think Moxie may have been projecting some of her insecurities onto you. I wonder what HER story was.

And you're right, there are a million ways to be a good mother. And I'll just add -- we all have our bad moments.

Christal F said...

Loved this. Some people lack the ability to catch sarcasm. I hate that and it really makes for some very boring people. That said, I try very hard to ignore those people. It's hard because at times, you catch yourself second-guessing decisions. I had a friend like that. I dropped that bitch like a bad habit.