How Black Friday Is Like The Zombie Apocalypse

"Initial contacts with the infected are extremely traumatic, causing shock, panic, disbelief and possibly denial, hampering survivors' ability to deal with hostile encounters."

That is the Wikipedia description for the Zombie Apocalypse, but it is true of Black Friday as well. Two years ago, I took my husband out on Black Friday. We went to 3 stores. We started at Toys R' Us where we stood in a line outside of the store in the freezing temperatures for over an hour, then we were literally herded like cattle into the store and out again. His eyes were wide with disbelief as a woman several aisles over from us had a complete claustrophobic breakdown. We then went on to Wal-mart. He stood in line for a GPS while I went to get in line for digital picture frames. At the appointed time, when the deals were released, there was an audible roar from the center of the store. My husband had the following exchange with a young guy next to him in the GPS line:

Guy: "What was THAT??!"
Hubby: "The women."
Guy: "What is wrong with them?"
Hubby: "They're fighting over toys."
Guy: "What??! WHY??!"
Hubby: "Because there are only so many of them and because they're on sale."
Guy: "That's CRAZY!"
Hubby: "That's Black Friday. It is not for the faint of heart."

I have compiled a list of how the 2 are similar for your education and enjoyment:

1)  Large masses of "people" all in mindless pursuit of the same thing. 
Zombies are often depicted as slow-moving creatures in pursuit of brains, while Black Friday shoppers are in pursuit of deals.  Seriously, the next time you see the news footage from your local Toys R' Us on Black Friday, it will not be hard for you to imagine them in pursuit of brains instead of Barbies.

2)  The bigger the city, the worse it is. 
I realize that the Black Friday insanity has intensified over the past decade, but 12 years ago, I participated when I lived in Huntsville, AL.  It was no small town, but it was nothing like what I witnessed 2 years ago here in DFW.  Similarly, in a Zombie Apocalypse, things are far worse in heavily populated areas.

3) Everyone has a plan for survival, very few actually work. 
In a Zombie Apocalypse, everyone has a plan to survive.  Similarly, Black Friday shoppers have plans -- they map out the stores, make detailed schedules, and arm themselves with coupons and discount shopper cards.  The problem is that there are thousands of other people who are attempting the same things and they don't give a crap what your plan is.  They will mow you down in a heartbeat to get to that $400 big screen TV that normally retails for $1,000, and then they'l pick over the stuff you dropped.

4)  The roads are all blocked.
In a Zombie Apacolypse, the military blocks roads, mass exoduses of large urban areas cause traffic jams, and lack of services like tow-trucks and police turn highways into parking lots.  If you have ever tried to go out to pick up something from the grocery store on Black Friday then you are painfully aware that the traffic sucks that day.  Even if you don't have to venture close to an actual mall or mega-mart, just getting to and from Kroger can be a monumental task. 

5) The smell of the crowd resembles rotting flesh. 
I don't know if it is the fact that they were in such a hurry to get in line that they forgot to shower and wear deodorant, or if it is the fact that they're still digesting that huge Thanksgiving meal, but Black Friday shoppers, as a general rule, REEK.  When you get that many people in a confined space the smells alone are enough to induce panic.

6) There is a complete lack of intelligent thought processes. 
They fact that people camp outside of stores prior to the sales is indication enough that there has been a breakdown of civilization.  But should you venture out to Wal-Mart or Toys R' Us on Black Friday, you will witness things like 60 year old women climbing over displays, seemingly normal people fighting over electronics and toys, and mothers who most likely try to teach their kids to be kind, caring, individuals ready to cut someone over the last "Tickle Me Elmo."

7)  The affliction is highly contagious. 
Just being pushed around by the masses is enough to turn you into one of them.  Zombies infect you with a bite, but Black Friday shoppers can infect you simply by touching you, pressing up against you, and shuffling you around.

8)  You strongly believe that you are the only 'normal' one. 
The uninfected in a Zombie Apocalypse often feel as if they are sole survivors.  When they are forced to enter infested areas they are fearful because they just know that they stick out like a sore thumb.  When a normal person attempts to go shop on Black Friday they have the same feeling.  However, much like the Zombies who are unaware of their infection, Black Friday Shoppers are completely oblivious to the fact that their behavior is not normal.

I wish you all luck in surviving the Black Friday Zombie Apocolypse.  I will be sequestering myself inside my home, eating leftover Thanksgiving food, watching football, and praying for all of those poor souls out shopping.

Don't Rush Me

Yesterday was supposed to be the start of a week-long cleaning binge. Sadly, it was not. Instead, it was spent shuttling kids to school, then to preschool, then BACK to the school to check a kid out to take her to the doctor, then on to the imaging center to have her knee x-rayed only to discover that the x-ray machine there was down, back to the doctor's office for new paperwork for another imaging place, got the x-rays done, take child back to school, run to Lowe's to grab drain cleaner & a new paint brush, pick up kids from preschool, go to grocery store, pick up kids from school, come home, and make dinner. So no cleaning was done at all.  This morning, I am taking some time with the computer and a pot of coffee before attempting to clean anything. I have a post rattling around in my head that I thought about all day yesterday, so I'm gonna go and try to get that done and then I'll start the cleaning.  Maybe.

As I was running all over the place yesterday, I couldn't help noticing all of the Christmas decorations and advertisements that were EVERYWHERE.  They started right after Halloween -- or in some cases, BEFORE Halloween.  There was a mini-Christmas tree on the reception desk at the doctor's office.  A wreath adorned the door of the imaging center where I took my kid to get her x-rays.  Lowe's had an entire 3 aisle section dedicated to Christmas.  The speakers at the grocery store played "It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year."  I love Christmas.  It IS the most wonderful time of the year. But, here's the thing:  It is NOT Christmas yet.  It isn't even Thanksgiving yet.  I haven't even got all of my Halloween stuff put away yet. 

Where are the turkeys?  The pilgrims and Indians?  The cornucopias??!  What is the big hurry to usher in the fat man in his red suit?  Before we spend more money than we should on things we don't really need to impress people we really don't even like, shouldn't we take the time to appreciate all of the stuff we have?  Shouldn't we MAKE TIME to celebrate our family and friends and the fact that we are grateful for them?  Seriously, look around your house -- do you even have room for more stuff?  Thanksgiving is supposed to be about family.  And being grateful about what we have.  It has become nothing more than a speed bump on the super highway to Christmas, which has become about getting more stuff.

I have a very difficult time decking the halls when I am still divvying up Halloween candy to my kids.  This rush to "celebrate" Christmas has nothing to do with the traditional "Peace on Earth" or "Goodwill Towards Mankind" that it should be about.  Nope, its all about the pursuit of more stuff.  I love buying gifts.  I USED to love Black Friday.  But now, retailers, in an attempt to one up one another have taken to opening on Thanksgiving day for their mega deals.  Wal-mart, Toys R Us, and several others are opening not at 4 or 5 AM on Black Friday, but at some point on Thanksgiving!  So if you want to get those deals, you have to forgo the Thanksgiving meal with your family and go fight the crowds and stand in lines.  And those who work there have to give up their holidays so that you can.  It is ridiculous.  Amid all of the "Occupy" movements to protest big business, I guarantee that this will be a big year for them. 

Well not from me.

I'm tired of being rushed into Christmas.  I'm tired of trying to budget all year for one blow-out day of shopping where I need to be in six different stores at exactly 4 AM when they release the good deals.  I'm tired of feeling that I have to have everything picked out for every person on my Christmas list by the week of Thanksgiving.  And I am tired of big companies making me feel like I must be crazy to willingly miss out on their super deals.  A big screen TV for under $500??!  You'd better buy that!  A Blu-Ray player for under $50??!  You NEED it!!  Your kid wants this toy that normally sells for $75, but between 4 and 5 AM on Black Friday we'll sell it for $29.99!!!  You better hurry though -- there are only 3 per store.  Bull.  I'm sick of it. 

I am boycotting Black Friday. 

And I am boycotting any company this Christmas that deprives their employees of their Thanksgiving Holiday.  Doctors, nurses, police, and fire fighters HAVE to work on holidays -- the services that they provide are essential.  Someone's life may very well depend upon them going to work.  They willingly sacrifice for the greater good.  Some mom or dad who works at K-Mart to feed their kids, should not have to give up this very special day with them just so you can get discounted electronics and toys. 

Instead, I am going to participate in Small Business Saturday.

Small Business Saturday is when you take your Christmas budget and you spend it at places like your local barber shop or beauty salon for gift certificates.  When you go to local shops and boutiques for your gifts instead of to the mega-marts.  If everyone participated in Small Business Saturday, we'd send a more powerful message to Corporate America than we ever could by standing on a street holding a sign.  We'd put our money where our mouth is so to speak.  I freely admit that I love big stores for their selection and convenience, but think for a minute if a small mom-and-pop operation offered the same level of service that you got the last time you were at Wal-mart.....would you ever go back?  Shop locally and make the Wal-mart's wonder why.  Hold them to a higher standard and quit letting them push you around.

I encourage all of you to slow down.  Take a breath.  Appreciate what you have and give thanks. 

The establishment doesn't want you to do this.  They rush you through Thanksgiving and straight into Christmas so that you will focus on all of the things that you don't have instead of realizing how much you already have.  They don't want you to appreciate the things that you have because then you might decide that you don't really need a new TV, your kid doesn't need that $75 toy, and you have 3 working DVD players so you can forgo that Blu-ray player.  Write down what you are thankful for.  Share it with your family and ask them to do the same.  Take stock of all that you have and then decide what holiday shopping you even need to do, where you can get it locally, and how you can pass on some of the things you don't need to others who do. 

And remember that Christmas is in DECEMBER....

EDIT:  I just read Mary Tyler Mom's post for today -- Thanksgiving: Wherefore Art Thou?.  You should ALL go and read it.  If for no other reason than to prove that I am not the only one who misses Thanksgiving.

I'm Ready To Be Discovered

I have an email address specifically for my blog.  I get all kinds of weird junk emails from businesses who either hone in on "Counting" or "Caballeros" or who think that because I am a mommy blogger I must promote all natural fibers, organic, homemade foods, or homeschooling.  I have, in the past week received emails from people asking me to promote their homeschooling curriculums, their tools to teach toddlers how to blow their noses, their books about parenting, their blogs about organic eating for kids, and their music.  But my favorite emails are the ones who feel the need to voice their displeasure about me.  I typically get one about every 6 weeks or so and they make me laugh.  I get more than that if I post something religious or political, or if I talk about how I let my kids run wild, or how I fought with another teacher or parent.  I usually just laugh and hit delete.  I have been known to publicly ridicule those who feel that they are somehow entitled to judge me by calling them out here on the blog, and I even went so far as to publish one person's email in it's entirety WITH her email address because she had shown herself to be an ignorant, hateful person and I had not had the energy to address her with the proper level of snark by myself and had therefore recruited you guys to help.  But this week, I got the following email from a television producer and my mind began to race with the impending fame and fortune that was sure to follow:

Hello,
My name is Brian and I work at Anderson, a new daytime talk show hosted by Anderson Cooper.
I was interested in speaking with you about an idea I had for a story. Please give me a call when you get a chance at 212 XXX XXXX or contact me by email at brian.grobman@andersoncooper..com
It would also be helpful if you let me know a number I could reach you at as well. I look forward to speaking with you as soon as possible in the near future.
Best,
Brian
Brian Grobman
Anderson
1271 Avenue of the Americas // 16th FloorNew York, NY 10020O: 212.275.8939F:

My moment had arrived!  I was about to be discovered!  When this email was sent, I had just written the post If I Were Queen and I just KNEW that Anderson Cooper wanted me to fly to New York to be a commentator on his show about politics.  Or maybe he was doing a show about how difficult it was to break into the publishing business and was going to fly me to New York to meet with publishers and do a series of stories on what it takes for an unknown author to get published!  Or maybe he wanted me to become a REGULAR COMMENTATOR on his show and he was going to fly me to New York regularly!!  (Notice how in all of these fantasies I get flown to New York....)  I quickly typed my response, while trying to sound as non-chalant as possible:

Hey Brian,

Sorry that it took so long for me to get back to you, but the whole mom to 4 kids thing keeps me a little tied up, and your email originally went to my Junk Mail folder that I only check a few times a month. I must admit that you have piqued my interest -- what could you possibly want to talk to me about? Please call me at your convenience and satisfy my curiosity (817) XXX-XXXX.
Looking forward to hearing from you,
Ginger Caballero
Author of Counting Caballeros

Then I waited.  The next morning I got this email back from him:

Ginger,

No worries.

Right now we are working on a story about a mom who cannot leave the house unless she looks perfect! Hair, makeup, the whole nine yards!

If you think you know someone like this we would love to talk to them!

Please let me know!

Best,
Brian

 Wait.....What?  This man obviously has NOT read my blog.  And more disturbing, he does not want to help me launch my writing career.  I was envisioning getting a job writing for a TV show, or a magazine, or being a regular commentator and getting a book deal and what does he want?  He wants to know if I know any June Cleaver types that he could talk to.  Sigh.  So this is how I responded:



Oh wow, um, I don't know anyone like that personally, but I regularly make fun of them on my blog. I am the antithesis of that mom. My uniform consists of t-shirts and yoga pants and I usually only wear make-up to church. Seriously, there is a post-it note on my front door that says “Do you have on a BRA? Are you wearing SHOES? Have you even seen a BRUSH today?”

I don't mean to be presumptuous, (actually, I do mean to be presumptuous -- what do I have to lose?) but why don't you guys do a show about all of the mom-bloggers out there and their opinions on things like education, politics, taxes, religion, etc? You could do a whole week of shows based upon what normal, everyday moms think. There is a plethora of mom-bloggers out there and we are all full of opinions. You could check out the site "Top Mommy Blogs" if you need help finding blogs to pull from. There are special needs moms who blog about the horrors that they face dealing with the system, there are moms who blog about the joys and heartaches of adoption, there are moms who blog about trying to homeschool, trying to feed their kids only whole foods, trying to cope with food allergies and developmental disorders, and then there are moms like me who blog about anything and everything and are just trying to make it through the next day. There are even some great dad bloggers. As a daytime talk show, I imagine that the majority of your audience is stay at home parents, and I imagine that as much as they enjoy hearing from various experts, they'd love the chance to hear from some of those that they could relate to. You could even make it a weekly segment -- once a week feature a different blogger with a different opinion on a different subject as a wrap up or a springboard for your topic that day. Truth is, we have a lot of great ideas about a lot of different things, but we have kids. This means that we cannot we cannot find time to write an entire book, or court the publishing world to publish a book we've written, and any book we'd write would be all over the place because that is how our lives are. In the past 2 weeks, I have personally blogged about what I'd do if I were president, how shocked I was to discover my 7-year old singing the Katy Perry song "Last Friday Night", what I think about the Michigan anti-bullying law, and what I think about the Penn State scandal. We blog mostly about what is on our minds on the day we sit down with more than 10 minutes at the keyboard, but we have amazing insight and (usually) pretty good ideas.

Should you decide to pursue something along those lines, (or if I can ever help you with another topic) feel free to give me a call. I have an entire list of fellow mommy-bloggers that I will be happy to pass along.


Sincerely,
Ginger Caballero
Author of Counting Caballeros

Seriously, moms who spend all of their time on hair and make-up aren't interesting!  REAL MOMS are interesting!  So far today, I have thrown away 7 partially eaten Pop Tarts and yelled at my 3 year old for washing the small pumpkin he got from school in the toilet. (Luckily, I had actually cleaned the toilet this morning.)  And we are smart and we have ideas and we deserve to be heard by someone who may actually listen more than our kids.

So far, he has not called.  I am picturing him pitching this idea to Anderson Cooper himself and that Anderson is threatened by me.  That's gotta be it.

Shame

Again, today's post is not funny.  I know that this is supposed to be a humor blog, but there are things that are effecting me in the news and if I don't get them out here I just keep thinking about them and researching them and obsessing over them.  Today's post is about the abuse scandal that has rocked Penn State University and the nation.  I cannot keep obsessing over these kinds of depraved acts because that kind of evil will eat me alive.  I needed to get it out.  I told you that I blog because I cannot afford therapy and that is apparent by today's post.  So close the door and pay attention, therapy is in session.


I wasn't going to blog about the Penn State scandal.  I was upset by the stories coming out -- physically sick to my stomach because I have a son who is the age of the victims and I know that I would literally kill anyone who harmed him or my other children.  I read Nicole Knepper's blog about this travesty, Nittany Liars, and I thought that it was so well written, so poignant, and so full of truth that I didn't think I could possibly add anything to what she had said.  She is a professional counselor, a mother, and her words have more weight than anything I could say.  But I cannot sit quietly as the details of the allegations that apparently spanned at least 15 years are coming out and the Penn State 'Family' actually protests against the firing of the university president and Joe Paterno.  What I say has no degree behind it.  I am not a counselor.  I am not an officer of the law.  I am not an expert in mental health.  I am a human being.  I am a mother.  And I am OUTRAGED.


If you have been living under a rock, go HERE to see the timeline of events that led to the firing of Joe Paterno, university President Graham Spanier, and the arrest of Jerry Sandusky, the former 'right-hand" to Joe Paterno.  There have been 40 counts of felony sex abuse of minors levied against former Paterno assistant Jerry Sandusky and there may be more coming. 


I love college football.  I love everything about it -- the rivalries, the cracking of helmets as they meet over the ball, the yelling at the TV, the impressive runs by kids just barely old enough to vote, and the coaches.  There are some coaches that I love to hate -- Steve Spurrier comes immediately to mind -- but as a general rule, the coaches, especially the long term ones, are part of a teams identity.  I love iconic coaches like Bear Bryant, Pat Dye, Knute Rockne and, I thought until this week, Joe Paterno.  Paterno has 409 victories -- a record for major college football -- won two national titles and guided five teams to unbeaten, untied seasons. He reached 300 wins faster than any other coach.  He is a legend.


But Pa Joe has fallen from grace. 


His role in the scandal over Jerry Sandusky's abuse has eclipsed anything that he ever did for his team, his school, or his sport because he knew.  This man KNEW what was going on.  He had known since at least 2002 when one of his players (Mike McQueary, who now happens to be the wide-receivers coach at Penn State) came to him and told him that he had witnessed Sandusky in the team showers with a young boy of about 10 years old.  Paterno simply informed athletic director Tim Curley without looking into the details, and apparently left it at that.  He now says that he was unclear on what McQueary had said he saw.  He never understood exactly what was going on with Sandusky and the 10-year old boy.  I'm sorry, but you knew that an old man had a 10-year old boy in the showers.  You didn't need to know anything else.  You should have called the police as you were running straight to the locker room to stop whatever was going on, and THEN called your boss.  Bill Littlefield with NPR put it best. He said "Another coach at another university might be able to sidestep criticism by maintaining that he'd passed the buck to the appropriate bureaucrat, but it doesn't work that way for icons."  No it doesn't.  And for me, as a mom and a HUMAN BEING, it doesn't work that way for anyone.  And what about McQueary?  This guy was a player, but he was a 28 year old graduate student at the time -- not some kid who could blame youth and ignorance on his inactivity.  He saw a boy being sodomized by a pedophile and he fled the building and told the coach.  He didn't go to the cops.  He didn't try to help the boy being victimized.  He continued to play and later to work for Paterno and Penn State knowing all the time who and what Sandusky was and knowing that he was still in contact with kids.  Was his job a reward for his silence and compliance?  Who knows, but it makes me wonder.  After the 2002 report, the University officials decided to take away Sandusky's keys to the locker rooms.  They knew that this man was making children his victims and their solution was to force him to find a more private place to do it.  They didn't want the scandal.  They thought if they kept it off of school property then it wasn't their problem.  But they allowed him to maintain an office directly across from the Penn State Athletic Complex.  By not turning him over to the authorities, they basically gave him permission.  They failed to uphold their own creed:  "May no act of ours bring shame."


When the Penn State Board of Trustees finally decided yesterday that they would fire Paterno and University President Graham Spanier, Paterno was "shocked" and  said "I have come to work every day for the last 61 years with one clear goal in mind, to serve the best interests of this university and the young men who have been entrusted to my care. I have the same goal today."  I'm sorry but that's not good enough.  Was it in the interest of the university to aid in the rape and molestation of young boys?  Was it in the best interest of the young men in your care to subject them to a pedophile?  No.  And I don't care how shocked he claims to be, he KNOWS it.  He failed.  He failed at that meeting with McQueary in 2002 to make the right decision, the most important decision of his life, the decision that will now forever define who he is and how he's remembered.  And then he failed over and over again for every minute of every day of every week and every year that he stayed silent. 


The students of Penn State in their ignorance protested Paterno's firing.  They rioted.  They overturned a news van.  They chanted "We want Joe!  We want Joe!" ad nauseam in a vain attempt to get the board of trustees to hire him back.  I have a message for them:  Don't feel sorry for Joe Paterno. He's had his life.  He had a great life and anything that he is suffering now is his own fault.  He caused it by claiming to be a man of action and doing nothing to help the children that Sandusky ruined.  His sorrow is his own fault -- a result of his own inactivity.  Feel sorry for the victims of the abuse that Pa Joe allowed to continue, because they may never have a life.  Many of them won't be able to trust. Or be able to love. Some of them won't be able to feel because of the crimes that they endured and you are worried about your football team?  Whatever tears you shed for Paterno and his football legacy should be saved for the children that were victims of Sandusky, and ultimately of Paterno and the Penn State powerhouse that failed them in an attempt to protect itself. 


What Sandusky did to God knows how many innocent young boys is sickening.  It is depraved.  It deserves a punishment much worse than anything that the legal system could possibly dish out.  But I think that EVERYONE who knew and did nothing should be punished.  There is no defense for the number of people in positions of authority who had an opportunity to stop Sandusky and did not.  No, this isn't just about an 84-year-old Joe Paterno not taking more steps that might have stopped it. It's about everybody not taking more steps that might have stopped it.  Every last one of them should be fired and charged with aiding in this abuse because that is what they did.  They allowed it to continue.  They swept it under the rug, and hoped it would go away.  The victims here, the ones who have come forward, the ones who may come forward, and the ones who may never have the courage to come forward deserve to at least know that those who allowed them to be hurt be held responsible.  Unfortunately, the list is long.  Unfortunately, there is no way to know exactly how many knew and did nothing.  And unfortunately, nothing that the law or the public can do to those involved will ever bring back the innocence that was lost. 

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Today's post is not funny.  It is not meant to be funny.  It will not be universally accepted.  It may even offend some of you.  But I hope that you will respect the fact that these are MY opinions and beliefs.  And I hope that it will make you think.

Bullying is a very hot topic these days.  Michigan just passed a law, or an amendment to a law, or something that says (according to the media and every liberal friend on Facebook) that it is okay to bully someone as long as you do it with your religious beliefs as a basis.  That isn't really what the law says.  The law says that if my religion says that something is a sin, then I have the right to say that as well without being accused of bullying as long as I don't direct it at an individual or group.  If I am a Muslim, I can say "According to Allah, pork is unclean, and therefore those who eat are unclean" as long as I don't say "Hey Brian, you are going to spend an eternity in hell because you're eating those pork rinds and are an infidel."  Or I can say "According to the Bible, sexual immorality is sinful."  As long as I don't say "Hey Jane, you are going to hell because you're not a virgin and are therefore an abomonation to the Lord."  Opponents of the law, mostly the liberal left, are foaming at the mouth over the wording of this bill that they claim gives kids, teachers, and administrators a blueprint for bullying as long as they hide behind their religion of choice.  I disagree. 

I see a bigger problem. 

What this law does is further polarize the public.  If the law is left as it is, extremists will, in fact, use it as a platform to promote hate through religious beliefs (like the idiots at Westboro Baptist Church).  If it is changed, then the lawmakers have essentially gagged everyone of faith from expressing themselves and their beliefs openly, therefore infringing upon their right to freedom of religion and freedom of speech.  Unfortunately, those who are most directly effected are the Christians.  Christ was against bullying -- He "spoke the truth in love" but he was never cruel.  What this bill has tried to do is give that right to individuals who follow Him -- the right to speak the truth in love.  But how do we determine what is spoken in love and what is spoken out of hate?  We cannot.  So the lawmakers tried to put into the law a way to prohibit bullying while still allowing for freedom of speech and freedom of religion.  There is no way to accommodate both sides effectively because we have a separation of church and state.  We cannot enforce the "laws" of religion (ie saying that you can only speak out against something if you do so out of love) because the government has no authority to do so.  You cannot define in a legal way what is done out of love or strong moral conviction and what is done with malicious intent.  The members of Westboro baptist Church do not think of themselves as hateful.  They do what they do because they believe in it.  I disagree with them.  I do not know how they reconcile what they do with what is in the Bible, but the point is that THEY believe in it. 

This law in Michigan has a great intent, but now it has become bogged down in legal rhetoric.  How do you defend freedom of speech and freedom of religion while prohibiting differing opinions to be spoken out loud for fear that someone might be offended?  You cannot.  How do we, as adults, parents, teachers and role models, empower our kids to be themselves and stand up for their beliefs while punishing them for doing so?  We cannot.  How can lawmakers say that every one's feelings are valid but  that only certain groups are allowed to express them?  They cannot.

We have painted ourselves into a corner, so to speak.

Here in Texas, where I live, a student was recently suspended because he was having a one-on-one conversation with another student and stated that he was a Christian and believed that homosexuality was wrong and the teacher overheard him.  He was yelled at, written up, sent to the office, and suspended.  For stating his personal belief to a friend.  There was no anger, or malicious intent, or what could even be considered judgement since it was a statement not related to any individual but just in a private conversation.  To me, that is bullying by the system.  A biology teacher in California last year won a $100,000 settlement after she was fired for answering a student’s question by citing research that homosexuality “may be influenced by both genes and the environment.”  That is bullying by the system.  At the University of Illinois in July 2010, school officials fired a Catholic theology teacher after he asserted that homosexuality was, according to Catholic teaching, contrary to the moral law. Prof. Kenneth Howell, who had simultaneously lost his position at the Catholic Newman Center on campus, was reinstated days later after thousands protested.  That is bullying by the system.  Also in 2010 news broke of the story of a counseling student at Augusta State University, who, after her professors learned of her Christian beliefs on homosexuality, was told to attend workshops to improve her sensitivity towards homosexuals, to complete remedial reading, and to write papers describing the impact of such measures on her beliefs, as a condition of continuing in the program.  That is bullying by the system.

The religious fanatics in our country have long been accused of committing the very sins that they speak out against because they take it to extremes -- they don't just say that this or that is wrong, but they take on the judgement portion that is reserved only for God by saying that this person or group of people are wrong and their passion and anger over it bleeds into their treatment of that group often with a violent end.  Now the liberal left seems to have joined them in their hypocrisy.  You cannot advocate freedom of speech and freedom of religion if you are unwilling to allow those laws to apply to everyone.  If it is okay for one person to be openly gay, then it must also be okay for another person to openly say "I believe that this is a sin."  It becomes problematic when any person is prevented from being able to speak their mind, no matter what their belief is and no matter whether they're a member of the majority or the minority.  Violation of a person's First Amendment rights is problematic, no matter who they are or what they stand for.

So what is my solution?

Well, I think that the only thing you can do here is to NOT make the wording of the law more specific, but to make it more general.  Give those tasked with enforcing it more lattitude to interpret intent on an individual basis.  For example, if a kid says "I am a Christian and I believe that homosexuality is a sin" but he doesn't stand up and single out or threaten any one person or group, then that is not bullying.  It is not hate.  It is allowing that student to do what we push kids to do -- stand up for his beliefs and to do so in the face of adversity.

As a society, we have taken the stance that every lifestyle choice is valid.  We want everyone to feel loved and accepted.  No one wants to offend anyone.  We want everyone to like everyone else and get along in our country.  This. Is. A. FANTASY.  We have been advocating "acceptance" when we should have been advocating tolerance and respect.  Acceptance of something that you or your religion, culture, or morals oppose involves a compromise of your beliefs.  Tolerance of something does not.  I can respect your opinion and your right to that opinion without accepting it.  We want people to fell free to be who they are, to stand up for their beliefs, to speak up and speak out against what they believe is wrong but in the same breath we tell them not to offend anyone.  Do you see the problem?  I am a Christian who tries to live by what the Bible teaches.  Yet, I have friends who are openly homosexual, friends who are Jewish, friends who are Muslim, friends who are Hindu, friends who are Bhuddist, friends who are Wiccan and friends who are athiest. And I can have intelligent conversations about morals and religion with all of them because we respect and tolerate each other's beliefs not because we accept them.  Bullying could be virtually eradicated by enforcing a stricter policy of a universally accepted and morally benign concept of respect. If we pushed for respect of opinions and beliefs instead of acceptance of them, then tolerance would be a given.


Everyone cannot be "right."  If you cannot have a civil, intelligent, conversation with someone who lives a lifestyle different from what you believe is "right" then how do you function in the world?

Wait....WHAT??!

So, I'm sick.  But I started this post yesterday and finished it up this morning.  Please forgive any incoherrent bits as I am fairly fuzzy headed.  I had a lot more witty, sarcastic things that I was going to say about this....I'm sure I did.  But I don't remember them.  I have so much sinus pressure that I can feel my pulse in my cheeks.  Also, I hate to be a nag, but could you click on that little brown button over there on your right that says "Vote For Me On Top Mommy Blogs?"  I'd really appreciate it.


This past Wednesday I caught my daughter singing "Last Friday Night" by Katy perry.  Do you know this song?  Its a very catchy tune.  If it weren't for the HORRIBLE message that it spouts, I would probably love it and dance around the room singing it with her, but these are the lyrics that she proudly sang as she twirled around the room:

There's a stranger in my bed,
There's a pounding in my head
Glitter all over the room
Pink flamingos in the pool

I smell like a minibar
DJ's passed out in the yard
Barbie's on the barbecue
Is this a hickie or a bruise

Pictures of last night
Ended up online
I'm screwed
Oh well
It's a blacked out blur
But I'm pretty sure it ruled

Damn
Last Friday night
Yeah we danced on tabletops
And we took too many shots
Think we kissed but I forgot

Last Friday night
Yeah we maxed our credit cards
And got kicked out of the bar
So we hit the boulevard

Last Friday night
We went streaking in the park
Skinny dipping in the dark
Then had a ménage a trios

Last Friday night
Yeah I think we broke the law
Always say we're gonna stop-op
Whoa-oh-oah

This Friday night
Do it all again
This Friday night
Do it all again

Trying to connect the dots
Don't know what to tell my boss
Think the city towed my car
Chandelier is on the floor

Ripped my favourite party dress
Warrants out for my arrest
Think I need a ginger ale
That was such an epic fail

Pictures of last night
Ended up online
I'm screwed
Oh well
It's a blacked out blur
But I'm pretty sure it ruled

Damn
Last Friday night
Yeah we danced on table tops
And we took too many shots
Think we kissed but I forgot

Last Friday night
Yeah we maxed our credit cards
And got kicked out of the bars
So we hit the boulevards

Last Friday night
We went streaking in the park
Skinny dipping in the dark
Then had a ménage a trios

Last Friday night
Yeah I think we broke the law
Always say we're gonna stop-op

This Friday night
Do it all again
Do it all again

This Friday night
Do it all again
Do it all again
This Friday night

T.G.I.F. (REPEAT 6 TIMES)

Last Friday night
Yeah we danced on table tops
And we took too many shots
Think we kissed but I forgot

Last Friday night
Yeah we maxed our credit cards
And got kicked out of the bar
So we hit the boulevard

Last Friday night
We went streaking in the park
Skinny dipping in the dark
Then had a ménage a trios

Last Friday night
Yeah I think we broke the law
Always say we're gonna stop
Oh-whoa-oh

This Friday night
Do it all again


Now, I don't want to be an alarmist, but my daughter is SEVEN.  This song says "Hey, it is super cool to get so drunk that you have no idea what happened, to max out your credit card, to have your car towed, get kicked out of a bar, streak naked through the park, go skinny dipping and wake up with a stranger."  This is NOT what I want my daughter thinking.  Do you know what lyric she was worried about me hearing?  "Damn."

I know that she has no idea what most of this stuff means (Please, oh, please let her be well into her teens before anyone explains what a ménage a trios is), and her dad and I are very anti-credit card having fought that long, hard battle to become debt free, but this song is "cool."  Why is that, exactly?  In REAL life, we would consider the person singing this song a deviant at best and a slut at worst.  And what does the singer conclude after waking up from a drunken blackout with a stranger in her bed?  "Wow that was great!  Let's do it again!"  Really?  I mean, REALLY??!

Now, I know that when I was a teenager, the music that we listened to was all about dealing with things way beyond our maturity level -- Bon Jovi sang about "Livin' On A Prayer" where a young couple struggled to make ends meet, Madonna sang "Papa Don't Preach" about a teen pregnancy, Salt n' Peppa sang "Let's Talk about Sex" and Poison sang "Talk Dirty To Me." But, we were at least teenagers. And we were well aware that these were the songs that pushed the envelope, we turned them off or at least down around our parents because we knew they were "questionable" and did not dance around the room singing them to our mothers at the top of our lungs.    I asked my 7 year old where she heard this song and she said "Disney Channel."  WHAT??!!  When did the Disney Channel quit being about mice and start being a DIY for teen pregnancy and STD's???  And wasn't Katy Perry on Sesame Street?

I will NOT be buying my 7 year old the Katy Perry Album for Christmas.  She can listen to Bon Jovi, Aerosmith, GNR, Queen, Led Zepplin, Cinderella, Bad Company, The Alman Brothers, Janis Joplin, Bob Dylan or any of my other old music.  She can even listen to most of my new music -- which consists mostly of Bruno Mars and Adele.  But I'll be damned if she will listen to any more "Disney" stars telling her to do too many shots and sleep with random strangers.  No ma'am, not on my watch.

If I Were Queen

A friend and I were talking politics last night and she said "I wish you would run for a public office.  You have a great no-nonsense approach and I think you could get a lot accomplished."  It took me 5 minutes to stop laughing.

Seriously?!  You want me to run a city council meeting or something? I can't even get 4 kids to pick up their dirty underwear what makes you think I could do well in government?  My house looks like the modern day setting of "Lord of The Flies" 90% of the time -- God only knows what kind of damage I could do in government.  Besides, I would suck at politics.  Sure, I have some good ideas, but they would not be widely accepted.  No one would vote for me because I am too honest.  I am brutally honest.  I am honest like a mother.  I would most likely end up telling some one (or more likely, some group) to quit whining, to shut-up, or to get over whatever had their panties in a bunch.  Fox News would love me.

I have less desire to go into politics than I do to clean, but let's take a look at what life under my rule would look like if I were President (because if you are going to speculate, speculate BIG):

First things first -- I would be a one-term president (or less if I got impeached, which I probably would).  And I would put an end to "Career Politicians."  Serving as a senator or congressman should not be a lifelong career.  You will receive the same health benefits and the same retirement benefits as those in the military.  I guarantee that the Military Benefits Act would be drafted, passed in both Houses, and on my desk within a few short months of enacting that policy.  Those men and women serve their country with honor, and no less will be expected of you.  You are supposed to be a SERVANT to the people -- not their lord and master.  No one, who is truly being a servant to the people that they represent should want to do so forever.  Congress will be in session for the majority of the year -- like every other job in the world.  Upon being elected, you will be required to spend 6 months living and working side by side with those that you represent -- not campaigning for their future vote, but discovering their needs and what you can do to help them when you get to Washington.  After your term ends, you would be required to spend another 6 months teaching the ropes to the guy (or girl) who is stepping up to take your place.  Thanks for your work, but it's time to give someone else a turn.

I would not try (nor would I want) to please everybody. I would want to do away with a lot of the excess. That would mean getting rid of jobs and not "creating" them. I am all for hiring people when there is a genuine need, but the idea of "creating" jobs makes me envision the busy work I give my preschoolers when I need to get some real stuff done.

"Professional Lobbyists" would all be out of a job because I would not let them anywhere near Capitol Hill.  I find this practice of paying someone to promote your cause or your companies interests unseemly.  Senators and congressmen are meant to represent the PEOPLE of their districts -- not the companies that do business there. 

I would put a freeze on things like The National Endowment For The Arts.  I love art -- all forms of art -- but when people can't pay their bills, they do not buy art.  We are a country that cannot pay its bills, so until we get crap straightened out, no unnecessary expenses.  I would also put a stop to any government funded studies or projects that did not provide for immediate, tangible, needs of our country.  This would mean that there would be defense spending, military spending, and operational spending, but no studies on the migratory patterns of birds.  We would not be hosting any big state dinners while I was in office either -- if I had to host an event, it would be a BYOB barbecue.  I would contact the heads of state that were to attend and tell them that money was tight, but I wanted to have them over for a meal.  I'd ask them if they were okay with burgers and dogs and if they could bring chips.  If they weren't okay with that, we wouldn't have any state dinners.  I don't think that a country's leaders should be impressed by us spending money that we don't have.  If I loaned money to a friend in need and then they invited me over for caviar and champagne, I'd be pissed off, not impressed.  We would concentrate on getting out of debt, operating effectively within a budget, and getting organized. 

Immigration:  Do it legally or don't bother.  Close the borders -- I mean REALLY close the borders.  After that is accomplished, provide amnesty to those already living and working here as long as they can prove that they are not criminals or fugitives, and have them apply for citizenship or at least resident alien status.  Look, I love my neighbors but if they continually walked into my house uninvited and ate my food or sat on my couch like they belonged here I'd get pretty mad. 

There are so many more things that I would do "If I ran the world" but it will never happen.  People like me never get elected.  We aren't butt-kissers who promise the sun moon and stars to everyone.  But Washington needs us.  We need to elect some straight shooters who tell it like it is and don't worry about what people think.  We need leaders who will do what is best for the WHOLE country, not just for special interest groups, companies, or their own friends and families.  Those are the people who should be running the world.  I can barely run my own world.  So no more wasting time on flights of fancy about being the queen, I have laundry to fold, dry, and wash, floors to sweep and mop, and dinner to make.  And there are these little anarchists running amok trying to keep me from my work.....