I'm afraid my almost 3 year old, Jackson, is going to grow up to be a criminal mastermind. He is the youngest of my 4 kids, but he is far more advanced in his resourcefulness than the others were at nearly twice his age. He doesn't just pitch a fit when I tell him "No" about something, he will ignore me and figure out a way to get whatever I told him he couldn't have. He will walk away, slyly, with a devious look over his shoulder and go off to some corner of the house to plan out his next move. Marvel needs to call me. They could start a comic series on him now and it could go on for years.
Up until a few months ago, his crib was still a crib and not a Toddler bed. This was completely for my benefit because he will refuse to go to sleep at night and still wake up at the butt-crack of dawn every morning, so I wanted him in his crib to contain him. I woke up one morning and he wasn't in his crib. After a momentary panic attack, I found him butt naked in the den asleep on the couch. I had no idea how he had gotten out. This happened a few more times before I caught him. He was taking his pillow and throwing it over the side of the crib, scaling the side of the crib like a little Spiderman, and jumping onto the pillow. I stood there peaking through the door at him as he then picked up his pillow and climbed up the outside of the crib enough to throw the pillow back in the bed -- hiding the evidence. We converted his bed the next weekend.
He wanted gum the other day and I told him no because he hadn't eaten his lunch yet and because although he does chew the gum, he also swallows it like its candy. He waited until I went to the bathroom. He brought the "Leapfrog Learning Table" into the dining area where my purse hangs high on a hook on the back of the coat closet, positioned it carefully under my purse, climbed up on it and rooted around in my purse until he found the pack of gum and proceeded to eat the entire pack....in about 5 minutes. He disposed of the wrappers, but left the table in its position and the empty pack in my purse, so I knew what had happened.
Last night, we had Manacotti for supper (no, I didn't "make" it -- I opened the box and microwaved it) and he didn't want it. He wanted a Pop-Tart. I told him that if he ate all of his dinner, he could have a Pop-Tart for dessert. Nope, not good enough. While I was blissfully typing away on the computer, he walks over nibbling on a Brown Sugar and Cinnamon Pop-Tart. He cannot reach the cabinet. I looked and none of the dining chairs had been moved -- I wasn't surprised because those chairs make a lot of noise he moves them. So how had he done it? The Leapfrog table was still in the den. As I entered the kitchen, I saw that he had carefully taken one of the bins that we store toys in, emptied it, flipped it over and stacked a phone book on top of it so that he could reach the Pop-Tart cabinet. I didn't even know we still HAD a phone book. Quiet. Efficient. Genius.
He is bad enough on his own, but when he teams up with his partner in crime, Lorelei, they are almost dangerous. I am sure that you have all read the post about when they flooded the bathroom by filling the sink with random crap and leaving the water on. That sort of thing is becoming more and more common, but about a week ago they REALLY went above and beyond with their whole dynamic duo routine. I have to go with my dog outside because the house we rent has holes in the fence. Our dog loves us, but every dog will try to get out of the yard if given the chance and he can't always find his way back in -- he's not as crafty as Jackson. I took the dog out in the back yard to do his business. I had just told the 2 littlest minions that hey couldn't have a Capri-Sun right now because they still had milk from breakfast to drink. I was standing outside when I heard a "click" behind me. They had locked the door. I watched through the backdoor window as they worked swiftly to open the fridge, get the Capri-Sun as well as some cheese and a tub of butter and sit on the floor in plain view and have a little defiant picnic. I was banging on the window and yelling for them to open the door and they just grinned and waved at me while they gorged themselves on cheese dipped in butter and Capri-Sun. I had to struggle to keep on my "angry face" because even as it was happening I was ammused by their cleverness and their cojones, for that matter. I ended up having to call Gary and waking him up to let me back in the house. They stared up at us all puppy-dog-eyed as we told them how dangerous and wrong what they did was. Then I swear they cut their eyes at one another, said "Sorry" in unison and then walked off and gave each other a high-five as they rounded the corner.
If they are like this at this age, I am going to have to really up my game before they hit puberty. Don't get me wrong, I was pretty resourceful in my own right as a teenager and I rarely got caught. But they are a whole other level of crafty. I have no idea the stunts they might be capable of if they continue in this manner. I expect calls from irate mall security guards about them skateboarding inside or running up the down escalator or doing parkour between the mall levels causing mayhem and chaos for shoppers and employees. My oldest is a rule follower (sort of....as long as the rule isn't about cleaning up or putting things away) and my second child is a pleaser -- she wants so badly to be "the good child" -- so these 2 littlest ones are a total departure from what I am used to. They have all pulled their stunts, but for the most part the 2 youngest are far and beyond what William and Bella were like on their worst days. Lorelei is not bad on her own, but when she teams up with her little brother, watch out. Lorelei can feign regret a lot better than her brother and she will often try to "fix" whatever she did wrong. But Jackson.....Jackson is going to be the one to push me over the edge. And it's very difficult to stay mad at him because he is so stinkin' cute, and as a former secret deviant, I admire his early development of some of these skills. But he scares me. I just hope that he continues to hone his escape skills and evasion tactics so I don't have to spend his college fund on lawyers to keep him out of jail. Maybe he'll use his skills for good -- he could be the next MacGyver or Ethan Hunt or James Bond instead of the next Lex Luther.....
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