Ok Readers, Sick Her

So I have the flu.  It sucks, in case you weren't already aware.  I am coming off one hell of a month -- tornadoes, illness, and family tragedy -- and the LAST thing I needed when I checked my email (which was generally full of heartfelt condolences about the aforementioned issues) was an email from someone who either never made it past 8th grade or is still in 8th grade basically attacking me for "not being funny since my birthday."  You, have released the snarky bitch that dwells just under the surface and eagerly awaits morons like you to inject your idiocy into my life so that I can "go-off" on you.  Prepare to be snarked about, I hope that you are amused by your public humiliation.

This is the email I received from "Tara" whose email is (get this) better_than_you@mail.com

WTH is up with U lately?  All of UR posts have been BS!  1st you totlly blew it off at the end of the month, and then agter UR birthday all Uv posted is doom & gloom.  U atvertize yourself as a humor blog, but you aint been funny since b4 UR birthday.  I get that UR concerned about UR state but DAMN GIRL!!  You need to blow off a litle steem by writing some funny shit for me to read!  Lolololololol!!!  Couln't U talk about the storms & be funny about it?  People would rather read Ur funny stuff."

O.M.G.  I so want to slap this person.  I don't know if you all realize this, but this is MY blog.  I will write about whatever the hell I want to.  Haven't we covered this already??!!  I swear, you would think that these people would know what I am going to do if you send me crap like this.  Well, at the advice of several readers, I am also now going to start posting your email addresses when you send me stupid emails.  I will let my readers take care of you.  But I will still do my best to humiliate you here.

First of all, I am assuming that you did NOT graduate high school based on the lack of grammar in this email.  When sending correspondence, it is never acceptable to abbreviate "you" with "U", "you're" with "UR or Ur", or "you've" with "Uv".  If you are going to send me an email, at least take the time to type out words like "before" and utilize the spellcheck feature that EVERY email account that I know of has.  Otherwise you look like a complete idiot and it makes it very hard for me to pay any attention to whatever it is you are trying to say.  You need to learn how to properly communicate -- the language skills that you have displayed in this email would make it difficult for you to get a job at McDonald's.

Now as for the message that you (sort of) wrote:  I get it, you miss the funny posts.  Great.  They will be back when funny things start eclipsing the death and devastation that has been so prevalent in my life.  I blog about MY life -- about whatever is on my mind or on my heart when I get time in front of my computer.  People in Alabama have been through more than ANYONE knows because the devastation there got about 15 minutes of national news coverage because Prince William got married and then Osama Bin Laden was killed and they were forgotten.  They are still forgotten.  They aren't garnering national attention because they are communities of neighbors and friends and churches and they are helping each other instead of rioting and demanding their FEMA checks.  People from neighboring states are helping, natives of the South from all over the country are helping, and I think it is awesome. It is not funny -- AT ALL.  There is no "funny" story about a family who lost everything they have spent their lives building, or about a family (yes, an entire family) that died when their house collapsed on them, or whole towns that were decimated with over 90% of the structures severley damaged or destroyed.  I will put their plight in the forefront anyway I know how because I think that it is important for people around the country to know what they are facing, how they are handling it, and, oh yeah --  I WANT TO AND IT'S MY FREAKIN' BLOG.

I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you wrote your little message before you read the blog post about my cousin's daughter.  Because, if you were including my tribute to her, then I am going to have to figure out how to permanently block someone from my blog, and I really don't want to put that much effort into you.

I hope that you are amused, but FYI -- YOU are soooooooo not better than me.....



UPDATE/AMMENDMENT/ADDITION/WHATEVER:One of my friends sent this idiot an email and was kind enough to include a Cc to me.  I love it.  I love how she "dumbed it down" for poor little Tara.  I had to share it with all of you. (Oh, and anyone else who sends her an email, be sure to copy me on it too and I'll post the really good ones here).

Tara,


Now, I'll start by saying that I have written this entire email, yet am now going back and dumbing it down so that someone with UR obvious lack of education may better understand. Onto the response.

4 some1 claiming 2 B such a worshiper of this blog, I can only assume that U don't quite possess the literary skillz 2 understand the tragedies that have occurred over the past 3 weeks N my friends life. I suggest U call Sylvan and enroll N a class but not B4 printing off all blog entries 4 the past 3 weeks so that some1 can read them 2 U.

Now, just Ncase U R actually semi-literate, which I truly hope not 2 B the case, U would C that N just 3 short weeks, we have had our home state pretty much demolished, she has had sick children, the flu herself, but more notably would B the fact that her cousins 6 year old daughter just passed away while her cousin has had 2 undergo several reconstructive (big word) surgeries. If U knew about these circumstances, then that just makes U inhuman and coldhearted. Shame on U

As 4 blowing off the blog at the end of April, just Ncase U missed it, there were TORNADOES!! Lots of them. Took out most of Northern Alabama amongst other states, however many of us that day were glued 2 TV and FB trying 2 locate our family, friends and relay info back 2 them. Sorry if this Nterrupted UR funny as shit blog reads.

U say U understand there was a tornado. Well, there were several. Yes, we R all doing everything possible 2 keep people Nformed with updates as this is not only our HOME STATE, but Bcuz it's only the 3rd Category 1 disaster N over 50 years. I'm sure U don't understand that 1 either, but the 1st was 9/11 (u know, the day of the terrorist attacks) and the 2nd was Hurricane Katrina. It's a big damn deal and our friends and family need help. Who the hell do U think U R 2 honestly believe that the world revolves more around U, than our family in AL (that means Alabama). Newsflash, doesn't now, never will.

OK- I've wasted enough time on U when I'm not even sure u will understand what I'm saying. All I have left 2 say is that if U don't like her blog, write UR own. I would highly encourage B4 doing so, that U take a continuing education class N grammar. Not sure how old U R, but my 7 year old writes book reports with better grammar and punctuation. That's all though. Honestly, N trying 2 keep it simple and easy, I think I've successfully fried at least 12 dozen (that's 144) brain cells.
My tip for you, don't talk shit. Especially when U don't know the circumstances. U end up looking like a total loser.

Thanks,
Lindsay Davis