This is me...

This is me...
I'm having a mom moment....

Thursday, March 1, 2012

So, You Thought Your Family Was Nuts -- The Confrontation

If you haven’t read the last 2 posts about The Smiths and The Dimsdales, you need to go back and do that before reading this one. You need to completely understand the crazy quotient before you get to this point in the story.
The Smiths and The Dimsdales agreed to meet at a restaurant so that no one would have the home court advantage. I honestly think that the Dimsdales wanted a public place because they thought it would somehow keep everything nice and quiet and civil – more proof of how little they grasp about The Smith’s.
They get seated at the table, order food, and the situation quickly degenerates. Nobody raised their voices during the whole confrontation which is unbelievable in retrospect. So when you read this, picture somebody like DoloresUmbridge, (the Harry Potter Character from The Minstry Of Magic who sounds sickeningly sweet but is completely vile) as the Dimsdales only better looking. Imagine my friend and her husband as two very stunned individuals who thought they had entered a parallel universe like the twilight zone. My friend says it was terrible experience to see the real face of someone you have known for over 10 years turn out to only be a mask.
My friend is not the kind of person who can engage in small talk after such a discovery. Everyone was seated, lunch was ordered, and then, the Dimsdales proceeded to finish digging their own graves. I say 'finish,' because when the truth came out two weeks prior, they had already gotten off to a pretty good start. It was the only time in years my friend has been unable to eat her lunch, mainly because she probably felt like throwing her plate at the morons who had already been caught lying, and misplacing their aggression onto her kid. The following ‘transcript’ of the conversation is pretty close to verbatim. All of the jaw-dropping moments are permanently branded and seared into the memory of my friend, but a lot of the other disingenuous crap they said just blurs together because Mrs. Dimsdale droned on and on for close to an hour and a half about how much she loved the Smiths and their kids while her actions displayed how insidious, manipulative, and dishonest they actually were the whole time. This may read like a bit from that Mystery Science Theater 3000 show that used to come on so, get ready to appreciate your completely normal family, here we go:

Mrs. Dimsdale: “First of all, we want you to know that we’re really sorry about the way you found out about this, but we didn’t say anything because we knew it would make you really mad.”
When Mrs. Smith relayed this, my first reaction was that this is NOT an apology, this is an excuse. I mean how condescending can you get? My friend says, it is a really nasty way to vilify the victim for what happened. {which by the way is a terrible form of emotional abuse and psychological manipulation.} It could also be classified as projection -- ie a defense mechanism where you blame others for your own BS. "Yeah, you totally deserve to get lied to especially if you are going to make a big deal out of it, so it's ok since we really didn't have any other choice." It really highlights the lack of respect for all involved.
Mr. Smith: “Well, wait a minute --You guys call yourselves Christians, doesn’t the Bible say “Go to your brother with problems before going to everyone else?”
Mr. Dimsdale: “So you wanna go there? How many people have YOU told this to?”
My friend labeled this as a Diversion from the real issue and him trying to turn the tables. Fail.
Mrs. Smith: “I’ve told a lot of people because this is completely outrageous. It's not classified information. – It’s COMPLETELY INSANE."
I'm certain that the Dimsdales wish now it HAD been classified information! 
Mrs. Dimsdale: “Well, look, y’all’s marriage is very different from ours. I’m not saying its “bad” but it’s very different from how we communicate and I can’t handle it – it’s very stressful to be around. There’s too much conflict and 4 letter words. I can't be around that. And we just can’t have our child around that. She can't handle it either. We know that sounds offensive.”
Mrs. Smith: “Well as long as we all agree that you are being offensive.”
Mr. Dimsdale looks like he wants to kill Mrs. Smith and says: “Well look, I can’t even let my kid be alone with my own brother because he’s a pedophile and he might molest her.”
Mr. & Mrs. Smith completely stunned: “Whaaaaaaaaaaaat? WHAT.... are you talking about? Did you..... You’re calling your brother....... a pedophile? Didn’t you borrow his ladder last week? Dude, we're not.... - Really? We're being compared to that??!”
Mr. Dimsdale begins stammering and says: “Well that’s just an extreme example….”
An example of what, I wondered. Unless he meant that this was an example of how absolutely psychotic he is. If you REALLY believed that your brother (who has 2 kids of his own) was a pedophile, you wouldn’t be borrowing tools. And IF you thought that to be true, why wouldn’t you contact social services, or the police, to protect his kids??? No, my guess is that this was just meant to be another example of how the Dimsdales view themselves as far superior to everyone else in their family. And remember, Mr. Dimsdale is the ONLY one in this family known to have been caught with his pants down in his affair with the church lady.  This exchange was so outrageous my friend decided to not even go there.
Mrs. Smith: “Look, I’m really outdone with the two of you for these reasons: 1) I’m pissed for what you did to my kid…”
Mr. Dimsdale interrupts here and deflects blame onto Mrs. Mealy and HIS OWN KID for getting confused.
This is called evading responsibility for your actions. Blaming someone else, your own kid, and your mother in law. Pitiful! If you’ve got the stones to try and push the blame off onto everyone else, then you should have the stones to own it!
Mrs. Smith: “Don’t even go there. Don’t try to blame Mrs. Mealy or your own kid for this mess. Like what you did to my kid was some kind of misunderstanding.”
Mrs. Dimsdale: “Well we’d be happy to talk to him….”
Mrs. Smith: “Do you honestly think I’m gonna let you talk to my son after what you said to your own kid about him??!! How do I know you are not going to try and convince him this is his fault the way you did with your kid and your mom? Do you think I will let my kids be around you after all this??? Do you think I'm going to let them come to your house?”
Mrs. Dimsdale, in a very agreeable tone and in a low sweet whispery voice says: “Well, that’s fine, that’s fine I’m okay with that! It’s okay!”
The Dimsdales continue recounting all of the examples of horrible parenting and bad spousal behavior that they have witnessed from The Smiths. They bring up a time when they heard Mr. Smith used a 4 letter word in a conversation with his daughter, an argument that they witnessed between Mr. & Mrs. Smith – like they couldn’t believe that they didn’t have the decency to have their arguments in private or not at all (or just go have an affair!). All of this was relayed with an attitude of “So of course you can see why we won’t let our kid be around you unsupervised, right?” that I found to be absolutely laughable and infuriating.
Mrs. Smith: “Well, if we’re gonna tell the truth, I think you guys have a real problem with dishonesty. You’re not honest with yourselves. You've shown that you are not honest with each other, and now we see that obviously you can't be honest with us.”
There was no response to that except to vaguely refer to more bad behavior….
Mrs. Smith: “You don’t seriously think I’m gonna sit across the table and glad hand your ass at Christmas and Thanksgiving do you?”
Mrs. Dimsdale: “What do you mean?”
Mrs. Smith: “I mean that I’m not gonna put up with it. I’m not gonna have anything to do with you. My kids aren’t having anything to do with you. Nothing -- I’m not having it.”
Mrs. Dimsdale: “You would do that? And you know how much I love you? How much I love my brother? And how much I love your kids and what they mean to me? blah blah blah, but I'm so sweet and nice. Well, if you would do that, then that’s your choice.”
Mrs. Smith looks at Mr. Smith and says “Well, what do you think of all this?”
Mr. Smith: “Well, before we got here today I really thought it was all a misunderstanding and we would talk & figure out how to work things where the kids could still be together at each other’s houses, but now I must say that I am probably more pissed than my wife.”
Mr. Dimsdale: “Well, you can still be cordial with people.”
Mr. Smith: “I think what you guys are failing to understand is that my wife is not going to waste her time on people that have such a low opinion of her. And neither am I.”
Mrs. Smith: “Look, we knew that we were different from you guys – we’ve always known that… and we thought that you knew we respected that. I was raised a lot like you are trying to raise your kid.”
Mr. Smith: “But this is not a difficult conversation – we do this with other kid’s parents before they sleep over at our house -- ‘Can they watch this or that? Do they have any allergies? What is allowed and what isn’t.’ We make accommodations for kids at our house all the time.”
Mr. Dimsdale: “Well, we don’t think we should ask you to change your values…”
Mrs. Smith: "Well, you know. I don’t think you guys are being righteous, I think you are being SELF righteous and pretty hypocritical without the need to elaborate further.”
Mr. Dimsdale: “Well, EVERYONE’S a hypocrite.”
Mrs. Smith:  "But you LIED to us."
Mr. Dimsdale: "Well, no, not exactly, because a lot of times we actually DID have other plans."
Mrs. Smith: “That’s pretty legalistic.”
Mr. Smith: “Look, everyone has the right to mess up their own kid however they want. But do you really think that your kid is gonna get that messed up in less than 24 hours at our house??”
Mrs. Dimsdale: “Well, you guys can’t control when you’re gonna get into a fight…
Mrs. Smith: “Wait a minute, are you guys still going to the church with the woman you had an affair with?”
Mr. Dimsdale (Indignantly): “Yes! Yes! we are!” (Like he was proud of it…idiot.)
Mrs. Smith: “And you are not worried about how that might get back to and your child?? Somehow, in your mind, what is going on at our house is way worse that all of that?”
Mr. Dimsdale: “No! no I’m not! -because my affair was handled right in the church and someday when she is old enough I will explain it to her.”
Mrs. Smith: “If someone else doesn’t get to her first.
Funny! I thought affairs were handled right by not having them. My friend didn't say this, mainly because she was so absolutely stunned that somebody could sit there and almost brag about how well their affair went down. At this point she was also thinking how do you spell delusional?
Mr. Dimsdale: “Well, Mrs. Smith, we don’t know what you want. We already apologized.”
Mrs. Smith: “Well what I want, and what I thought we both wanted, was for our kids to be able to grow up together. I want to know what do we have to do so that you feel comfortable letting your kid come to our house. And I want to be comfortable letting my kids come to yours."
Mrs. Dimsdale: “But if that doesn’t happen…” Wow! REALLY?!
Mrs. Smith: “Well if that doesn’t happen 'Dimsy,' then we’re done.”
Mrs. Dimsdale, begins to blather again for at least 5 minutes about how much she loves and cares for the Smiths and their kids even though her actions can only be seen now as hollow gestures by all involved and ends the monologue again with: “Well, then that’s your choice.”
At this point, Mr. Dimsdale tries a new tactic: “Well how about this. You wouldn’t let your children spend the night at a MUSLIMS house…”
Mr. Smith: “Well, I don’t know, that would depend on the Muslims.”
Mrs. Dimsdale: “Well what about our dad then? You know how much I loved my dad, but would I have let him keep my kid??! Well hell no!”
Wait a minute did Mrs. Holier-Than-Thou just utter a 4 letter word? The dad referred to here sadly, passed away several years ago & was divorced from Mrs. Mealy for many years before his passing. Mrs. Smith had never been close to her father in law, but the more crazy she sees, the more she sympathizes with him.
Mrs. Smith: “I don’t really appreciate being compared to pedophiles, terrorists or your dad!”
Mr. Smith: “Look, I loved dad too, but this has NOTHING to do with him so why are you bringing him up? It is obvious that this is going nowhere. I think we’re done.”
Then, in the awkwardness of waiting for the checks, the proof that these people are OUT OF THEIR FREAKING MINDS….
Mrs. Dimsdale: “So….are you guys coming to our kids birthday party next weekend?”
Mr. & Mrs. Smith sat staring in disbelief across the table at their delusional and conceited in-laws. My friend wondered if aliens had implanted a chip up their asses that controlled everything that had come out of their mouths for the last hour. And at any minute a little green man was gonna jump out from under the table and yell, "you got punked," Perhaps it was a brain aneurism that had erased the past hour of uncomfortable conversation.
Mrs. Smith simply looks at her with daggers and curtly said: “Um, noooo, sorry. We won’t be there.” SERIOUSLY?????  I can't make this crap up....

-- Oh, the irony. It’s like a twisted Dr. Suess book --
‘The Hideous Insidiousness.’
Just look at the horrible things the Smiths do!
They yell, and they curse, and they’re so honest too!
Why can’t they be better? More like us?
We never have conflict and no reason to cuss
We put our kid first, unless we’re caught in their ire
Then we push her to the front lines to shield us from fire
I had an affair, I admit that I did
But the sexual miscreant here is their kid
He might need a bath or have to go pee
And our child might see something that she shouldn’t see
It’s best if we go back and forget all this rot
To the way that it was before we got caught
But The Smiths won’t let go, they’re like a dog with a bone
As if we are the ones that THEY can’t condone
I guess we are done, there’s nothing left to say
I think I’ll call up my mistress and pray.

The ironies here are many, but the main ones are:

1) The Dimsdales seem to think everyone else they know is a perv, including 8 year olds. However, Mr. Dimsdale is THE ONLY ONE who we know for sure that has actually acted out in a sexually inappropriate way. Looks like he's projecting again. The fact that they would do that to a kid really goes beyond hideous. I'm having trouble exactly describing it.

2) They tried to present themselves as morally superior, as if they are somehow the gold standard of parenting. It was like they thought the Smith's needed a good talking to. Epic Fail. The only thing proven, is how much they are the ones who should not be supervising kids. They are more inept than anyone else involved here. Blaming the Smith’s kid is paramount to child abuse. And don't forget when the jig was up, they had no qualms putting their own kid on the front lines to lie to another adult. Finally, they tried to blame her once they were caught.

3) The Dimsdales want to act like this has never happened and so does the mother in law. They want to go back to holiday dinners and birthday celebrations together like always. They honestly do not see why the Smiths wouldn’t want to spend time with family that obviously loves them.  Yep, The Dimsdales love the Smiths so much that they felt compelled to tell them what horrible people they are after being caught lying to them about what horrible they themselves are for so many years….

~~ The final installment will be “The Fallout” ~~


LeAnn said...

I'm pretty sure I've developed a nervous twitch after reading this one.

Lisa said...


Carin said...

Same response as Lisa *blink* *blink*...

Some people are so stupid it makes it hard for other parties to even talk to them. Looks like the Dimsdales are that kind of stupid and invented new lows.

Hope your friend and her family are ok.

And may I compliment you on your writing? I especially loved the Umbridge reference, it is very apt.

Having read this, I can't believe there will be a positive outcome, but I'll wait some more.

Will there be another dr. Seuss poem?

PsychoJenic said...

I think I threw up in my mouth a little.

Nope. I actually did.

I know people like this. Or should I say "knew" as they are no longer in my life.

Christine Slaughter said...

Holy Crap, I could have been raised around these people. They don't happen to be missionary baptists do they?! Geez...

Lindsay Davis said...

Mrs. Smith handled this very maturely. I would've gone over the table and taken out both Dimsdales. -Lindsay D

Untouchable said...

I assume your friend is reading the comments? I just want to share my story a little. I'm a child of two over-zealous religious fanatics (my parents grew out of it with age, Thank God it was just a phase). Anyway, years after my father passed away, when I was like 25 year old, I drive thru this little grocery drive thru to get cigarettes, and the dude working was a flaming gay guy who I loved to talk to when I drove thru. One day, we were talking about him visiting my home town that's a 2 hour drive away from us. We argued about the better pizza in town (I am right by the way), and he was explaining to me the location of his favorite pizza because i couldn't remember where they were (because it wasn't good pizza), and he said "next to that church..."

Me: "Oh yeah, I went to that church."

Him: "I went there once. It was crazy. The married minister admitted to having an affair with a married woman to the whole congregation, and then other people admitted to their affairs... I couldn't believe it."

Me: "Really? Do you know who he was having an affair with?"

Him: "No, I don't remember her name. Wait, it was the wife of the guy that owned {omitted word} radio."

Me: "My dad owned {omitted word} radio."

That's how I found out 20 years after the event. I guess my father found out and forced everyone to admit it to the whole congregation. I found out later he was planning to divorce my mother but after some time forgave her, and you would not know about this based on how he treated her because I thought they had the perfect marriage up to this point, like he treated my mom like a queen. We had planned to stay (though some stories say this is why we moved, but I don't buy it because of the timing), but you know a church who sins like that is cursed. New ministers came, and they were greedy people stealing from poor people who were tithing. A huge disagreement formed and the church split. Now there is no church. We eventually moved away for whatever reason (so many different people have so many different reasons for us moving, but my parents story was my dad gave away his radio station to the dying church and found a job that made more money).

My family tried to keep this secret from us regardless. My sister still has no clue. People's mouths drop when I tell them I found out.

Untouchable said...

And I had to break it up into two comments because I'm blogging on my friend's blog and hijacking it in the comment LOL... But really, the parallelism astonishes me...

There is comfort in knowing the kids that were there in this mess grew up to be intelligent, beautiful people who think for themselves. I am not a sheeple. I avoid church because I don't like people like the Dimsdales in that story (and it's really for their own safety I avoid going places where people like that go). I just have been around people like that my whole life I'm sick of it. I'm sick of the ignorance. I'm sick of their fear. I'm sick of their hate. I'm sick of their hypocrisy. I would love to scoop all those people up and let them create their utopia in some uninhabited part of Alaska where abortion and saying the F-word can be illegal and their bull shit kept in their own borders.

I'm just saying, their little girl is going to grow up some day and see the bull sh... and either she will join them for the nostalgia or she'll get the f-word away from it, and more than likely, she'll spend most of her adulthood preaching to her parents like I do mine.

As for their church, it too is cursed. Karma and God are there making sure what goes around comes around.

As far as dealing with these people in the meantime, just remember they are so intellectually inferior that trying to talk to them is a waste of breath. You would have better luck converting an ant colony to Catholicism. You are probably best off letting them dwell in their natural habitat without interfering too much as that would be the more ethical approach. As far as their kid though, she shouldn't be punished for her parent's ignorance, and her only hope to busting out that world is to know people from the outside. I wouldn't cut her off. I'd make the sacrifices for the kids to play together. I would also go ahead and "break" some of those rules about PBS when she's cognitively ready to handle the rebellion. I would also buy her the book The Giver. Read it. You'll see why.