This is me...

This is me...
I'm having a mom moment....

Monday, April 11, 2011

Haters Gonna Hate

DISCLAIMER:  Okay, here's the thing:  I'm tired.  I mean REALLY tired.  My 2 year old has had a fever of about 103 for 3 days requiring me to sit up with him to watch Yo Gabba Gabba and Diego and other such crap shows on Nick Jr. because his sleep schedule is completely out of whack and I have to get up even when he is sleeping to monitor his temperature and administer medication to keep his head from catching on fire and there are these three other kids that want things like food and permission to play video games and they need me to referee the latest fight about who called who a "Poophead" and who had the remote first and my husband is out of town so I've been up for a few days and living off of Coke, Rolos and coffee.  So if this post seems a lot like a Charlie Sheen interview, please don't stop reading or send me links for mental health help sites. 

Due to my continually diminishing mental status, I wasn't sure what I was going to write about today.  In fact, I penned a whole post about Yo Gabba Gabba and its characters before deciding that it needed way more work than I was willing to give it and abandoning it.  I tried writing about the Jehovah's Witness people that came to the door EARLY Saturday morning when I hadn't been to sleep yet, but quite frankly that whole incident is a blur and I'm not even sure that they were Jehovah's Witnesses, I just know that they were carrying Bibles and were all dressed up (and I was quite sure that I couldn't write about that without pissing someone off).  But then inspiration struck in the form of hate e-mail from someone offended by my Role Playing Toys post last week.  This hater doesn't follow my blog, at least not that I can tell, she may follow privately, but I doubt it.  I don't think I'm her kind of mom.  Here is what she wrote to me:

"Dear Madam:
I do not know you, but I sincerely hope that the contents of your blog are not any real indication of how your life really is.  Children are a wonderful gift -- that gift needs to be loved and nurtured and not belittled and ridiculed.  I am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt and believe that your blog is grossly over exaggerated for comedic purposes.

Specifically, I am writing to request that you remove your post which "pokes fun" at the Breast Feeding Baby Doll.  I was thrilled to hear about this doll for my grandchildren.  We should teach little girls that breast feeding is natural, normal, and acceptable.  The tone of your post suggests that motherhood would be a poor choice.  I am certain that this is not your intended message, but that is, nonetheless, how it comes across.  If you were merely showing off for your friends, surely they have all seen it and would not miss it if it was removed. 
I actually discovered this post while searching online for toys for my granddaughter's upcoming birthday, and continued to read a few of your posts to get a feel for whether or not your attack on housewifery was sarcastic or had malicious intent.  I was pleased to discover that you are, in fact, married, and that you do have children, and therefore believe that your intent was not malicious.  I will close by offering a little unsolicited advice to you:  it is not always beneficial to share all of your thoughts with the world, women should always maintain an air of mystery."

Oh my.  I read this about 6 times.  I didn't even know that "housewifery" was a word.  I tried to track the IP address to see if one of you had sent this as a joke or hoping that I would blog about it (if you did, good job).  Now, where to begin?  I wanted to write her back......

"Dear Stuffy Old Broad:
Yes, children are very much like gifts in the fact that once they are presented to you you are stuck with them, and the fact that some days my kids are the best gift ever and other days they are like getting socks on Christmas is EXACTLY what this blog is about.  Unfortunately, it is not exaggerated at all -- this is my life.  I write about whatever the hell I want to because IT'S MY BLOG.
As to your request that I remove a post because you don't like it, the answer is emphatically NO.  If you question the validity of the post's claims about motherhood and "housewifery" please feel free to contact someone who has done it with 3 or more kids in the past decade and get their opinion (I mean a REAL person, not some Stepford Wife spawn that you trained to clean and do dishes and churn their own butter).  I do not think that motherhood is a poor choice, I think that it is an honorable and difficult choice and I applaud anyone who can do it and keep their kids out of jail and off the pole.  As for me "showing off" to my friends: lady, if I wanted to show off to my friends, I'd iron something.  And what exactly did you mean by you were "pleased to find that [I am], in fact, married and have children?"  Did you suspect that I was some sort of man-hater who only wrote here as propaganda for some really weird, extreme branch of a lesbian activist group against procreation? 
As for your advice, I think that you need to go and look up the definition of "blog" -- although, it might not be in a dictionary that still has the word "housewifery" in it.  A blog is where you rant and rave about whatever you want to.  Maybe someone will read it and agree with you therefore validating your feelings. Or better yet, maybe some old biddy will respond via email about how sarcastic and malicious you sound thus providing you new material on a day when you were completely tapped out because you have been perpetually awake for nearly 72 hours dealing with a sick kid. 
Go buy your granddaughter a breast feeding doll and stay off my page before I offend you again."

I then promptly deleted all of that and wrote this instead:

"In regards to your request that the "Role Playing Toys" post be removed now that I have shown off to all of my friends:  NO."

8 comments:

christy said...

1st: If you iron I cannot be your friend (use the hairdryer but don;t hold it too close... it'll burn you)...... The last time I ironed I found myself amused and wondering how long it would take for the iron to melt through and land on the floor and if it would start a fire first.....2nd: We must soon address the fact that I had not had a Rolo in years until you talked about them in the post...... Now, Hodgie down at the Chevron is double ordering and "wishing me very much luck with my chocolate craving baby who obviously will be here soon" I don;t know if it's the random buying of aomething besides peanut M&M's or the fact that I almost have to open BOTH doors to get my ass through. 3rd: Please send the lady the email..... or give me her address..... PLEASE. kthxbai!!! LOOOOOOVE THIS!!!!

Maren said...

What this sadly misguided lady fails to understand is that back in the 50's, the reason no one ever said, "Hey - this raising kids thing is HARD!" is because Valium "Mother's Little Helper" was widely available. Well, that and drinking a few martinis before dinner was also socially acceptable.

celebs said...

Nice blog... keep up the good work.

guns said...

I THOUGHT IT WAS ALWAYS ABOUT ME??? I'm never mentioned in your commentary!! Just a "HOLLA MISCHELLE" would suffice. Nay nay...you neglect those that will run to the WalMart to get that last bottle of Menage A Trois wine? I WILL REMEMBER THIS WHEN YOU WANT ANOTHER BOOTLE OF 8 YEAR OLD, VINEGAR TASTING, DUST COVERED, YET COMPLIMENTARY BOTTLE OF WHAT I THOUGHT WAS RED WINE FROM CHATEAU ELAN!

guns said...

.....and when I said "bootle" I think I meant bottle...

Texas Yankee said...

live and let live no one's getting hurt

Brooke said...

Ah, one of the many reasons I love you so very much ;) I've had haters on my blog too (the one that I haven't kept up in at least 2 years now). She's obviously high on that "Mother's Little Helper" that Maren mentioned ;)

ediemailme said...

If you love your kids you are a good parent. I have had many sleepless nights myself.I like your posts & want to continue enjoying the hilarity...do not stop!