This is me...

This is me...
I'm having a mom moment....

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Truth in Advertising

In the past year I've been trying to decide what to do career-wise after all of my kids are in school full time.  As much as I appreciate all 53 of you for following, becoming a published writer will be difficult, and telling a publisher that I'm pretty sure at least 53 people would buy a book I wrote won't be much of a selling point.  With 4 college tuitions, 2 weddings, 2 rehearsal dinners, and 4 different vehicles among my future expenses, remaining a stay-at-home mom is not going to happen.  If I lived in LA, or NY, or even Chicago I'd seriously consider going into advertising.  However, I'm not sure how much work I'd get because I am pretty freakin' a fault.  So that got me thinking about how I'd promote certain products for parents.....

Pop Tarts:
"No, they aren't healthy (not even the Low Fat or Whole Grain ones), but your kids can get them all by themselves allowing you to keep sleeping or surfing the Internet."

Clorox 2:
"You know that chocolate pudding that your kid used to decorate his brand new Easter outfit?  Yeah, that's never coming out.  But with Clorox 2 it might fade enough to get a picture decent enough to send to grandma."

Resolve Carpet Cleaner
"When you absolutely, positively, can't make another area rug work -- try this."

"Better than Wal-Mart and still affordable."

"Happy Hour from 2-4 Everyday!!  Why pay full price for the drink that your kids will pour out on the floor?"

Home Owner's Insurance:
"Because you have kids, and they break stuff. A lot."

Hoover Vacuums:
"Not as good as Dyson, but you don't have to raid your kid's college funds to get one either.  (And let's face it, your carpet is shot anyway.)"

"Because you don't want to know what is causing that just want it to go away."

"Because potty training is a bitch."

Any brand of Wine:
"Your romantic evenings with your spouse have led to 4 kids under 10 ....and we can help with that too."

3-In-1 Body Wash for Kids:
"When they are teenagers they will have 26 different formulations for their hair and skin that will cost you no less than $112 per month -- use this while you can."

Schlage Interior Door Locks
"Because right now you don't care that your 4 year old just drew you another picture of a kitty-cat -- you just want to pee in peace."

"Do you know what your spawn has stuffed in the sink? Neither do we, but we're pretty sure that this crap can eat through it."

"Your kids are soooooo not gonna eat all that and you have to put it somewhere."

Hamburger Helper:
"Face it, you're not Wolfgang Puck.  But at least you made dinner."

Cliff Notes:
"Because you haven't read Jane Eyre since high school and your kid's paper is due tomorrow."

Crayola Washable Markers:
"Not really, but they're better than Sharpies."

KitchenAid Self Cleaning Ovens:
"Honestly, would it get cleaned otherwise?"

"Because there's no such thing as 'A Happy Period,' but we can dull the pain enough for you to remember that its better than not having one."

I will most likely think of more of these from time to time.  I'll save them up and do another one of these when I can.  Feel free to add your own in the comments section.


Brooke said...

I LOVE the Febreeze and lock ones!

"Because it's the only way you can legally shoot your children after they decorate the freshly painted walls."

CCK said...

As a fellow mom to 4 kids under 10 (though mine are 9, 8, 5 and 4- yes, I am absolutely insane) I loved this post. I laughed at so many of the tag lines you did! Especially the first three. Keep on trucking- I know life isnt easy with 4 kids close in age. I, too, have hampers full of clean laundry (wrinkles? so what, who cares??) and clean before my mom comes over. She's not too critical, but I was an only child growing up, so her house was always pretty spotless too. ;)