I Already Have A Job

So I know that you are all dying  to know what happened when my parents arrived yesterday, but it was fairly uneventful.  My mom actually complimented me on the cleanliness of the bathroom and the fact that there were only 2 hampers of dirty clothes and one of clean.  Then she saw the kids' bedrooms.  Luckily, her judgement was mainly directed at the minions.  Specifically the 2 oldest who "know better" and who "ought to be helping their poor mother" because she has enough to worry about. (Picture me nodding vigorously in the background....)  She later chastised me for "being at war with my children" and I took it like a champ.  Mainly because it's pretty much a one sided war, but also because I know that she really has no clue what I do on a daily basis. 

Today I fully expect the conversation to turn ugly as we will no doubt turn to what I am going to "do" with my life once the kids are all in school full time.  She thinks that my blog is "a nice little hobby" but doesn't understand why I'd want to "write a diary for the whole world to read."  I mentioned to her yesterday that I was ranked #23 in the humor category on Top Mommy Blogs, and she was completely unimpressed.  She said (and I quote) "Well, that's nice, but how many people actually read what you write?  I've never even heard of 'Top Mommy Blogs.'  I mean, blogging is not a job."  Well......no.....it's not a 'job' in the sense that I get PAID or anything, but it IS work.  Especially since I've been trying to do it every day. 

This is the question that I expect to hear tomorrow, mainly because it is the question that ALWAYS comes up when discussing my career plans: "Why don't you look into becoming a nurse?  Like your sister...."  Well frankly because I don't WANT to be a nurse.  Also because I'd make a HORRIBLE nurse -- can you guys picture me as a nurse?  Here's how that scenario plays out in my head:

Patient presses call button......
(No response)
Presses again......
(No response)
And again.....
Me:  "WHAT??!"
Patient: "Ummmm....I need to go to the bathroom...."
Me:  "And?"
Patient:  "Well, I, uh, kind of have 2 broken legs and a ruptured kidney, and I just woke up from a 3 year comma....."
Me:  "Crap.  Can you hold it for a bit?  I'm updating my blog...."

Also, there are all these rules and regulations about what you can and can't say to a patient without getting the place where you work and yourself sued.  Not to mention the HIPAA Laws about not talking ABOUT patients in any way -- even annonomously.  Without being able to get on here at the end of my shift and rant about the weirdos on my ward, I'd go nuts and quit within a month.  Bottom line:  I don't want to be a nurse "like my sister" -- I rarely (if ever) in my life have wanted to be ANYTHING "like my sister."  My sister and I are not that much alike....in fact we're like night and day.  She is graduating from nursing school (with honors) next month and will make an AWESOME nurse.  She is empathetic and tough at the same time -- PERFECT nursing material.  She can be all business and impartial, while making you feel like you're her primary focus.  Not me.  If I like you and you die, I will be a blubbering idiot for days.  If I don't like you, well, you might die because I will avoid going into your room for anything short of a "code blue."  She is able to hold a patient's hand through a tough procedure and then go get ice cream with her kids.  I get too emotionally involved....one way or the other.

So my focus today will be to avoid the conversation as long as possible, and then dodge her career questions by saying that I am considering going back to school and still "researching possible career paths."  This, is not entirely untrue.....I AM considering taking some classes in web design....... to improve the look and accessibility of my blog and possibly do a little freelance web design.  The truth is, I was seriously interested in going to law school until I found out that you cannot legitimately do it online at 2 AM and that it costs about $80 Grand.  Then I was going to get my MBA, but I HATED the corporate jobs I've had, so I figured that would be an exercise in futility.  Besides, lawyers have to wear shoes and yoga pants are not appropriate business attire.  I want a job where I only have to put on a bra if I am meeting with my publisher, and only then if I am going to their office.  I am just not sure that my parents will ever consider me a writer until I can show them a check.  Right now, I am perfectly happy with my job -- full time wife to one, mother to four, and comic relief to dozens.....