Maybe Next Year

So apparently, me kind of faking it has not gone over well with you guys....I am slipping on the Top Mommy Blogs list, so I'm back.  This is a REAL post.

Yesterday was my birthday, and all-in-all it was a pretty awesome -- the husband took me to breakfast at Mimi's Cafe, I took a nap, I picked up cupcakes (because the kids were upset because I didn't have a cake),  I got an AWESOME birthday package containing a huge coffee cup and LOTS of Rolos (thanks Christy!!), and I ordered pizza (because there was no way I was cooking dinner on my birthday).  But the day started off not so hot.  I was fighting the sneaky hate spiral from very early in the morning.

Around 1 AM, the 4 year old, who has been sleeping successfully in underwear for sometime now, wet the bed and woke up crying.  Her big sister was in the bed with her.  So I was changing clothes and sheets and moving kids to the couch and other beds until around 2.  Then I had a hard time getting to sleep. 

Now, my loving husband asked what he could get me for birthday and I said I wanted to sleep in everyday for a week.  So he has been getting up and getting everyone to school while I snoozed away.  However, my kids are incapable of being quiet in the mornings.  I was hearing arguing over who gets to brush their teeth first, opening and closing of my bedroom door as they come in and out to use my bathroom, get a brush, look for shoes, etc.  They did not care that I was sleeping.  They did not care that they were ruining my birthday present.  But they eventually were whisked away to school by their dad, my hero.

Then my hero came back and started trying to wake me up to see if I wanted to go to breakfast.  I DID want to go to breakfast, but I also REALLY wanted to sleep.  I had to work really hard to push that bile of nastiness down and not snap at this man who had worked 12 hours, slept 6, and gotten up to take our kids to school.  He wanted to take me to breakfast -- its not like he wanted me to iron a shirt, or clean something.  So, I got up and showered and let my hero take me to breakfast.  Then we came home and took a nap, because we're cool like that. 

The rest of the day was a blur of virtual inactivity, besides picking up kids, cupcakes, ordering pizza, and a whole lot of nothing.  It was wonderful.

Then, at bedtime, the inevitable happened.  Amid the "I'm not tired" and "I'm not sleepy" decrees, and the French Farce bed-hopping, I discovered that one of the cupcakes had migrated from the table into the bedroom.....and exploded.  There was chocolate on the bed, on the floor, on the walls, and on the nightstand.  Luckily, not a smear of icing had survived what I am pretty sure was a vicious 2-year-old attack, so it was just thousands of crumbs.  But still, there I was, 8:30 at night vacuuming up chocolate cupcake and using Clorox wipes to clean the walls and the hard surfaces and rewashing the sheets that had been washed no less than 18 hours or so ago. (You know, because of the whole bug paranoia thing.)

Here is what I have concluded:  I am 37 years old.  I am the mother to 4 young children.  Despite my best efforts, I am in relatively good health.  And as much as I loathe and detest cleaning, it is part of my job.  Even if I had a maid, there is no way I'd let cupcake crumbs soil my kids' sheets and floor until it was the maid's day to come -- even if it were the very next day.  So, as much as I'd like to have a day off from "Cleaning ALL the things" (nod to Allie Brosh at Hyperbole and a Half) it is NEVER going to happen.  I am never going to let my kids spill something like chocolate milk and say "Nope, sorry.  It's my day off.  That'll just have to wait until tomorrow." And realistically, although I try to make them clean up after themselves, I STILL have to clean behind them because they are KIDS....and I am their mom.  It's just part of my job.  But I really do wish I had made it through one whole day without busting out the vacuum cleaner and the Clorox wipes.....

Maybe next year.